Thrice
by Lyny Angell
Summary: Sequel to Lilyflower! The continuation of Lily and James' love. It begins about two months after their marriage. Can be read as a standalone. May eventually become M and will eventually become AU! R&R. Ch. 11 is posted!
1. Life with You

A/N: This chapter is dedicated to Chelsee, because I'm thankful that I don't have nearly the trouble with sequels that she does!

* * *

Chapter 1: Life with You

* * *

"Constant vigilance!"

Lily Potter flinched slightly, squeezing her husband's hand behind his back. He glanced down at her curiously.

"I wish he'd stop _doing_ that," she muttered, referring to Alastor Moody's constant shouting of his two favorite words. It always seemed to catch her off guard, ironically. James chuckled softly, giving her hand another light squeeze.

"Potters!" Moody shouted at them, "Separate! Now!" Lily and James quickly dropped each other's hands and took a few steps away from one another.

There were in their second week of crash-course Auror Training, and it had already been made extremely clear to them that public displays of affection, even between married couple within the Auror Department, were quite discouraged by the Ministry of Magic. Lily, James, Frank, Sirius, Remus, the Prewitt twins, and Emmeline Vance were part of a special group of students who had just graduated Hogwarts. They were all being given a special six-week training course and were to be accepted as fully-fledged Aurors until the War with Voldemort was over. When the war ended, they would be given the opportunity to attend the actual Auror Academy and keep their jobs with the department. Lily, Sirius, Frank and Gideon had been chosen for the Special Forces Sector of the Auror Department, while James, Remus, Fabian, and Emmeline would be working for the Information Sector. However, they all were receiving the same basic training techniques in the afternoons. In the mornings, they were divided into two groups to be receive training for their specialized assignments.

"Trainees, twenty laps. Go!" Moody roared.

Lily groaned inwardly but sprinted in the direction of the track. James trailed slightly behind her. Moody continuously sprung random attacks of calisthenics or laps on his trainees. He claimed that this helped to prepare them for the unpredictable life of an Auror and to keep them in shape. James claimed that it helped to put a man's back out of commission.

Lily put on a sudden burst of speed as she realized James was falling behind her. She loved that she ran faster than he did.

"Wait up a second," James called.

Lily grinned over her shoulder at him in a very self-satisfied way, but reduced her pace so that James fell into step behind her.

"You love that, don't you?" James panted after he had caught up.

"Yup!" Lily grinned, kicking up her speed again and easily by-passing Frank Longbottom and one of the Prewitt twins.

"Show off!" Sirius shouted at her back, falling into pace next to James.

"You know you like the view!" Lily retorted, wiggling her hips in a slightly suggestive manner as she ran a good ten paces in front of the rest of the trainees.

"No talking!" Moody barked from the center of the training field.

The training field was about the size of an American Muggle football field. It had a long track running along its perimeter. On the field lay tons of magical exercise equipment. There was also a padded platform near the center which was used for dueling practice.

The training field was only accessible through Portkey from the Auror's offices at the Ministry of Magic.

Lily reduced her speed significantly to fall back into stride net to Sirius and James. She reached out one hand to grab her husband's momentarily.

"Separate, Potters!" Moody shouted again. Lily and James both sighed. James fell back a few paces as Lily again boosted up her speed, now falling into step behind Fabian Prewitt. He smiled sympathetically at her, and Lily rolled her eyes in Moody's direction.

"Down, pushups!" He barked. They all groaned simultaneously, but did as they had been told.

A bell rang in the distance, signifying the end of the training day.

"Alright, go and hit the showers, then," Moody grumbled, sounding quite defeated.

Lily jumped up and ran for the Portkey, the others hot on her heels.

* * *

"Ready to go, love?" James asked, walking up behind his wife, who was sitting on the bathroom counter of the locker room, combing her long, wet hair.

"In a minute," she replied.

James chuckled. "You don't have to look perfect, you know," he teased her.

"What do you mean?"

"We're just apparating straight home. Your hair does not have to be perfect. It's not as if we're doing anything particularly special tonight."

Lily ceased the movements of her comb. She turned to face her husband with a solemn look on her face, but an unmistakable twinkle in her eye. "How do you know we're not?" she asked, her voice naught but a seductive whisper.

James gulped. Even after nearly two months of marriage, he marveled at the newfound effects she could have on him with merely a simple sentence.

"All the more reason for you," he said, leaning down close to her ear, "to get a move on."

Lily giggled as his breath tickled her ear and moved away. She stood and wrapped her arms around her husband. They apparated home to Godric's Hollow.

* * *

Later, they lay twined together in their bed. James lie on his back , Lily on her side, her hand resting on his expansive chest. His muscles, though they had been strong from Quidditch training before, were now even more well-sculpted from the Auror training. James gently ran one hand up and down Lily's arm and side, creating small tingling sensations along his wife's body.

Lily sighed happily and turned over to face her husband.

"What is it?" James asked, softly reaching up to brush a stray tendril of hair out of her face.

"I love you," Lily replied, leaning up and placing a soft kiss to his lips.

James smiled into her kiss and returned it. "I love you, too," he murmured. Lily smiled sleepily and rolled over onto her side again, snuggling against her husband's warmth as she drifted off to sleep.

* * *

A/N: Hello, and welcome to the first chapter of Thrice! yay! I can't believe it's finally here, honestly! Obviously, this chapter is just a prologue of sorts. However, it does set the tone for a lot of the rest of the fic, including explorations of the new, more physical aspect to Lily and James' relationship. Hope everyone is enjoying this as much as I am! 

Please review! I don't care if you just say "Cute story. I liked it." or "Crappy story. I hated it." I'd prefer the first choice, and if I get the second choice, at least give me a reason. Just let me know that you've been here and you've read it.

Love to everybody, and major cookes to the first person that reviews!

Love from

Lyny Angell


	2. A First Time for Everything

A/N: This chapter dedicated to Juju (DontmesswithYami) because she was the first to review my sequel!

Chapter 2: A First Time for Everything

* * *

"James! James! Bloody hell, mate, wake up!" Sirius' head shouted from the fireplace.

James kept his eyes shut tightly, not relishing the idea of leaving his warm bed and wife. "Don't move," he whispered very softly in Lily's ear. "Maybe he'll just go away."

Lily giggled softly. Sirius was either in the house or downstairs with his head in the fire. James tended to be a bit of a baby when it came to his sleep. "You'd better go and see what he wants," she said. "It may be important."

"It's never important," James muttered. "What time is it?"

"James, get your bloody arse down here! This important!"

The clock read six thirty in the morning. James groaned, but removed himself from his wife's embrace and climbed slowly out of bed. He grabbed his dressing gown and started downstairs.

"All right, all right, I'm coming," he groused. "What's so urgent, Padfoot?"

Sirius' face was grave as it settled on top of the emerald flames. "It's Dumbledore. He sent a message saying that we've got an emergency Order meeting at seven. You and Lily both need to be there."

"At the Manor?" James asked

"Yeah. I've got to go and tell everyone else." James nodded and Sirius disappeared from the fire. With a sigh, James quickly ran up the stairs and roused his wife.

"Emergency Order Meeting at seven," he said, gently shaking her shoulder. Lily had fallen back asleep.

"Hmmm?" she mumbled. James smiled, leaning down and pressing a gently kiss to her lips. That was always, he had learned, a sure way to rouse her.

"We've got an emergency Order Meeting at seven," he repeated. Lily sighed, then reached out and pulled James down to the bed. She kissed him deeply, then snuggled against him, loving the warmth that always seemed to radiate from his body. "We've got to go," James urged, running his fingers through her sleep-mussed hair.

"Five more minutes," Lily said determinedly, trying to cuddle closer to him.

"It's six thirty-eight, and we're due at the Manor at seven," James said, gently trying to disentangle himself from his wife's grasp. "I know you're going to want a shower before we leave," he added. Lily sighed, knowing that he was right. It was, she was unhappy to admit to herself, time to get up and out of bed.

Suddenly, she sat bolt upright. "We have to leave, in, like, ten minutes," she exclaimed, throwing back the bedclothes and staring incredulously at James.

"I believe we've established that, love."

"Shit, why didn't you wake me up earlier?" Lily rushed to the bathroom, and a moment later James heard the sound of the shower running.

"You batty, adorable thing," he said, chuckling softly at his wife's morning time antics.

* * *

They arrived at Potter Manor only a few minutes late, a miraculous feat for Lily. Her hair was still dripping wet, but was pulled up into a messy bun, so it was hard to tell that she had merely rolled out of bed. Or so she liked to believe.

"Members," Dumbledore began, "we have a situation to attend to. It has come to our knowledge that there is an attack planned in Liverpool this morning."

"How did we come by this information, exactly?" Hagrid asked gruffly.

"We have a complicated network of spies, Hagrid, as you well know," Dumbledore replied, not unkindly. "However, we must do whatever we can to protect those innocent people in Liverpool from Voldemort's power."

"V-voldemort's actually going to be there?" Peter asked, a faint tremble in his voice.

"That's unlikely. He usually doesn't like to get his hands dirty unless it's a particularly important job," James answered. He knew this from his training at the Auror Academy. Those in the Information Sector were given profiles to study on key dark wizards, Voldemort the most prominent among them.

"You are correct in that, Mr. Potter," Dumbledore agreed. "However, that does not meant that we will not fight against every adversary as if he were Voldemort, himself. We have several possible tactical strategies laid out." At this, the Headmaster waved his wand and several rolls of parchment appeared and rolled themselves out on the table in front of them. Lily, Frank, Gideon, and Sirius all snatched eagerly at the plans, looking intently over them. Plans like these were their specialty at work.

"We will allow Lily, Gideon, Sirius, and Frank to give us their professional opinions on which strategy would be to the best of our advantage," Dumbledore said, looking proudly at his former students and feeling very accomplished in what they had learned.

They eventually decided on a counter-attack plan. The members of the Order would leave immediately and clear anyone and everyone from the streets around the center of town, using the excuse that there was a gas leak and that it was unsafe to remain in the streets. The rest of the Order would hide in strategic places around the cities and make every attempt to engage the Death Eaters in battle before they could harm anyone.

* * *

James leapt behind a large dustbin, using it for cover as he tried to catch his breath. The battle had been raging for nearly two hours. There had, so far, been no loss of life on either side, but many of the Order had apparated to St. Mungo's for healing of injuries received during battle. James was sporting a nasty cut to his forehead, but he simply reached up and wiped the blood away with his left hand before jumping back into the battle.

Lily was on the other side of the street, fighting a battle with two Death Eaters at once.

"_Expelliarmus_!" she cried, managing to finally disarm one of her opponents. A swiftly cast "_Protego_!" paralyzed the man, not allowing him to get to his wand. Unfortunately, the other Death Eater caught Lily by surprise.

"_Crucio_," he snarled pointing his wand directly at her. Lily fell to the ground, writhing and screaming in unimaginable pain.

"_Stupefy_," James shouted, stunning the Death Eater. He ran to Lily and helped her off the ground. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah," she said shakily. "Thanks." Then she saw something over James' shoulder. The other Death Eater she had been dueling had beaten her Protego curse and gotten back his wand. "Behind you!" Lily shouted, pushing James out of the way and pointing her wand hurriedly at the approaching Death Eater. "_Stupefy_!" He fell to the ground. Lily had not seen that the curb behind him was jagged and probably sharp. She had not expected the fall to leave the man with his head sticking into a rock, blood spilling over the ground. She had not expected his mask to slip. She certainly had _not_ expected that mask to reveal someone she had known at Hogwarts, namely, Harold Swiften, one of Lily's earliest boyfriends. Most of all, Lily had not expected to kill him. Lily saw his eyes, blank and staring up at her. He was definitely dead.

"Oh Merlin," Lily whispered. She stood motionless, staring down at the body of her first kill.

She was lucky that James had been son ear, lucky that he had turned in time to see the man fall. James knew immediately that the man was dead.

"Padfoot!" He shouted to his best mate, and signaled him. Sirius saw Lily standing perfectly still, staring down at the body on the ground and guessed what had happened. He quickly finished his own battle and ran to his friends. He, James, and Remus managed to form a sort of protective barrier around Lily as she stood still, staring down at the body of the man she had killed.

The battle ended quickly. When they realized that one of their band had fallen, the Death Eaters quickly disapparated, leaving their dead behind. Lily was still standing over Harold's body.

"Lily?" James said softly, laying his hand on her shoulder. Lily jumped and looked at him. There were, James was almost surprised to see, unshed tears bulging in her, dark, emerald green eyes. "We've got to get back. Can you apparate?" Lily didn't answer, so James took her hand, apparating her side-along with him, back to Potter Manor.

When they arrived, the Manor was in a flurry of activity everywhere. Those with minor injuries were being healed by Emily, who had worked as a Medi-With earlier in life. Dumbledore was deep in conversation with Moody at the kitchen table. Others sat in small groups discussing the battle.

Moody left the table and walked over to Lily and James. "Can I speak with you for a moment, Potter?" Lily nodded and followed him into the next room. They both sat.

"Look," Moody began. "I know that today was your first kill." Lily nodded, forcing the tears out of her eyes. She didn't know why, but she refused to let herself cry in front of her boss. "If you need someone to talk to-"

"I'm fine," Lily interrupted him stonily.

"Are you sure?"

"Can I go now?"

Moody eyed her wearily. "Yeah, sure. Make sure you write out a report for Dumbledore." Lily nodded and apparated straight home. She leaned against a wall and sat down, tears streaming down her cheeks as she waited for James.

* * *

When James arrived, the first thing he saw was Lily sitting on the kitchen floor, sobbing. He gathered her into his arms without a word and lifted her, carrying her upstairs to their bedroom. He sat her down on the bed, joining her and holding her as she cried.

"Shhh," he whispered. "It's going to be alright."

Lily shook her head. "It was Harold. Harold Swiften. He-he was my boyfriend in f-fourth year."

"I know," James said softly. "I know." He pulled her into his lap, holding her and pressing soft kisses to her forehead and the top of her head.

In her fourth year, Lily had gone into what could only have been described as a Goth phase. She had died her hair black and began wearing outrageous clothing when she wasn't in uniform. When she was uniform, she had worn black leather jewelry. Her fingernails had been constantly painted black. She had also dated a string of guys who were much older than she was and were basically bad news. Harold Swiften, a seventh year in Slytherin at the time, had been one of those guys. They had only dated for about a month, and Lily had broken up with him because he had been pressuring her to have sex with him. Still, though, he was someone she had known, someone she had kissed. A worse person could not have ended up as her first kill.

Lily cried still harder as memories of her short time with Harold assaulted her memory. Suddenly, she jumped off the bed and ran to the bathroom, feeling dangerously nauseous.

James sighed and followed her into the bathroom, holding back her hair as she retched. When she had finished, James helped her stand and helped her over to the sink so that she could brush her teeth. They returned to their bed and James looked his wife seriously in the eye.

"I know this is hard for you," he said softly. "The first kill is…" he broke off with a shudder as he remembered his own first time. He had avenged his father's death moments after it had happened when their Manor had been attacked by Death Eaters. "It's extremely difficult for everyone."

"I knew it was going to happen eventually," Lily said softly. "I mean, I'm an Auror. I work in the Special Forces Sector. The job does involve battle. I just never thought that-" she broke off, crying again.

James pulled her close. "I know," he said softly. "I can't imagine if it were someone I'd known." He stroked her hair. "We're both off of work today, by the way. I talked with Moody. He said you seemed upset."

"I didn't want him to know," Lily mumbled. "I just…. I'm one of only three women in the entire department. There's just Emmeline, Marlene McKinnon, and me. It don't want him to think that I'm weak."

"No one in their right mind could ever call you weak," James said, fighting a chuckle.

"I didn't have to kill him, James. I didn't even mean to at all. I just used the Stunner and he-he fell and hit the curb, and-"

"I know. I saw the whole thing, remember?" Lily nodded.

"It-its' my fault that he's dead. I took another p-person's life," she said softly, horrified by her own words. She started to sob, and James pulled her closer. She buried her face in his chest.

"I know. I know, Lilyflower. It's alright," James tried to sooth her, running his finger through her hair. They sat together for a long time in silence.

* * *

"Are you hungry at all?" James asked softly. It was nearly three in the afternoon and, neither of them had eaten any breakfast or lunch. Lily shook her head. "Well, you need to eat something, and I'm starving, so I'm going to go fix us both something anyway." He squeezed her tightly, then stood.

He returned about twenty minutes later with a tray carrying to mugs of tea and two bowls of chicken soup. He knew that it was Lily's favorite "comfort food".

"Budge over," he said to Lily, pointing his wand at the tray so that it levitated while he climbed into the bed next to his wife. Lily looked up at him.

"Thank you," she said softly. "I really just needed for you to be here for me right now."

"I love you. I will always be here for you. I promise you," James said, taking her hand and gently kissing her knuckles. Lily smiled, her eyes still watery.

"I love you, too," she said softly.

* * *

A/N: Well, here is the second chapter. I hope that everyone likes it. It's sad, I know. But, believe it or not, it is neccessary to the plot. Hope that everyone enjoyed this chapter!

Please review. I don't care if you just say "Crappy story. I hate it." or "Cute story. I like it." I'd prefer the second option, but each to his own opinion. Please R&R.

Love from

Lyny Angell


	3. Midnight Maladies

A/N: This chapter is dedicated to Jessi: Because you weren't able to come over today, I got to write a whole chapter!

Chapter 3: Midnight Maladies

* * *

_Lily walked slowly through the dark hallways of Hogwarts. There wasn't a single lamp lit along the corridor, but Lily found herself enjoying the solitude of the darkness. A dark figure stepped out of the shadows, a tall boy with black, spiked hair and a piercing in his tongue. He wrapped his arms around Lily from behind, kissing the back of her neck underneath her shiny black hair. _

_Lily next found herself in a graveyard. She was alone and there was an eerie, misty feel to the place. She looked around, searching for some kind of answer to why she was here. Then, she saw the gravestone in front of her. It read: "_Rest In Peace, Harold Swiften. Devoted and Loving Son. 1956-1978_" Lily fell to her knees, sobbing. She had taken his life. Suddenly, she felt a tap on her shoulder. Harold stood behind her. He looked as though his flesh had already begun to decay. He was a sickly green color and there were patches of dead, rotting skin on his once handsome face. Lily wanted to wretch at the sight and stench of him._

"

* * *

Lily awoke with a scream, home, safe in her bed at home in Godric's Hollow with James. He also awoke at the sound of his wife's scream, sitting up quickly, instinctively grabbing his wand off of the bedside table.

"What is it? What's wrong?" he asked, looking at Lily, his face twisted with fear for her safety.

Lily sat breathing deeply, trying to push the horrible image of Harold's dead body speaking to her out of her mind. "I-I had a dream," she mumbled, looking back at James, her face pale and white. James pointed his wand at the lamp, igniting it, then set the wand back on the table and pulled his wife into his arms.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked, gently rubbing her back. Lily started to nod her head, hoping that it would ease her pain to re-tell the story of what she had seen in her nightmare. But, she suddenly found herself unable to move, unable to speak, unable to think at all. A blinding pain had suddenly erupted in her stomach, pulsating, slowly at first, then rapidly, spreading through her body. It felt as though she had been hit with the Cruciatus Curse again and again and again. Lily screamed.

"Lily! What is it? What's wrong?" James asked, frantically, shaking her. Her face was scrunched up against the pain and she writhed around in his arms. "Lily? Lily, what's wrong?" Her held her face in his hands, forcing her to look into his eyes.

Lily could only manage to choke out a single word.

"P-pain."

And then her world went dark.

* * *

James was utterly panicked. He had no earthly idea what was wrong with his wife. She obviously been in terrible pain, though he had no idea what had caused it. He wondered if it could have been related to the nightmare she's had, or it if was completely unrelated. He wondered if she had been injured in the battle earlier. His mind flitted to all sorts of horrible places, but he forced himself to concentrate on what he knew. Lily was in pain, and had most likely passed out from the intensity of that pain. He would take her to St. Mungo's.

When he arrived, James immediately pushed his way to the front desk, holding his still unconscious wife in his arms.

"I need to speak to Healer Alice Davies, immediately," he told the Welcome Witch who was seated at the desk. James assumed that Lily would prefer to be treated by her dearest friend, and he was also aware that her injuries may have been sustained during the battle they had fought while on duty for the Order that morning. James didn't want to take the risk of anyone else finding out that they were members of the Order of the Pheonix. It was far too dangerous to let that sort of information fall into the wrong hands.

The witch sighed, as though she would have preferred to be anywhere but there, and picked up a telephone receiver.

"Paging Healer Davies, Healer Alice Davies. You're needed at the Welcome Desk immediately," she said lazily into the receiver.

A soft _pop_ sounded and Alice apparated into the lobby, standing right next to James with a clipboard in her hands.

"James?" she asked, clearly surprised. "What's wrong?" She looked worriedly at the unconscious Lily in his arms.

"This has to be done in private," James muttered to her. Alice's eyes widened with the understanding that this pertained to Order business and ushered James and Lily behind a door next to the Welcome Desk and down a hallway into her own office. She sat behind her desk and bid James to set Lily down on a sofa near the wall. James took the seat across from the desk.

"What's happened?" Alice asked urgently.

"I have no idea," James replied. "We were asleep, and Lily woke up because of a nightmare, and then she just started screaming and screaming and when I asked her what was wrong, all she could say was 'pain' before she passed out."

Alice furrowed her brow for a moment, then her eyes widened. "You were in battle this morning in Liverpool, right?" she asked. James nodded. "Was Lily hit by the Cruciatus Curse?"

James racked his brain, trying to remember back to the battle that morning. "Yes," he said. "She was."

Alice jumped up from her seat behind her desk and rushed over to Lily. "_Crucio Renovo_," she muttered, pulling out her wand and beginning to inspect Lily.

"What's that mean?" James asked, standing also and moving over to them.

"Move back," Alice snapped. She pointed her wand at Lily and murmured, "_Rennervate_".

Lily woke, blinked twice, then threw her head back and began to scream again in agony.

"_Stupefy_," Alice said quickly, and Lily lay motionless and soundless again.

"What's wrong with her?" James asked, unable to deny that he was frightened for his wife.

"I'll explain later; right now, I have to get her upstairs and start working on this before it gets any worse. _Locomotor Lily_." As she cast the spell, Lily was lifted off of the sofa and was bewitched to fly behind Alice as she left the room. "Call anyone you like, you can use my fire, but stay here and wait for me, James," she said seriously, slamming the door as she left.

Confused, terrified, alone, and exhausted, James sank back into the chair, put his face in his hands and shed a few small tears.

* * *

James called Sirius, Remus, and Emily to come to the hospital. Peter had a job working the night shift at Gringott's, so he wasn't able to come. They sat together in Alice's office, waiting.

Emily had brought a cook book with her, which she held, pretending to be reading. In actuality, she was glancing at her watch every three seconds, anxious for Alice to return with news of her daughter-in-law. She had been in such a panic when James had called her that she hadn't even bothered to put on her dressing gown before apparating to the magical hospital. So, there she sat in her frilled green nightgown and slippers, her hair in curlers.

Sirius had brought along a package of cards, a set of Gobstones, and his Wizard Chess set, all in hopes to distract James from his worry. James had been completely uninterested in those activities, preferring to pace around the office, cursing every few moments under his breath. At first, Emily had given a soft sigh of irritation each time she had heard her son curse, but this had happened so often that night, she had decided to give up her motherly indulgence for the night, figuring it a great waste of time.

Sirius and Remus were sitting on either side of Alice's desk playing Wizard Chess and trying to stay out of James' way. Their friend was beside himself with worry about his wife, and they both knew better than to try and calm him. That course of action would likely result in a duel which none of them wished to participate in.

It was nearly five o'clock in the morning before Alice entered the room, looking as tired as they all felt.

"What's going on?" James asked, stress evident in each syllable.

"Lily has a condition called _Crucio Renovo_," Alice said. "It happens most often in witches who have two muggle parents, but even then it is very, very rare. As you all know, the Cruciatus Curse causes its victims to experience an extreme degree of tortuous pain. _Crucio Renovo_ is a continuation of the curse. The magic used when the Cruciatus Curse is cast is stored up inside the witch's body. Until the negative magic can all be released, the witch experiences constant pain, akin to a seemingly everlasting Cruciatus Curse." She paused to take breath, but James jumped in.

"What are you doing to treat her? Isn't there something you can do to take away the pain, some sort of spell or potion? She can't just lie there in constant pain, that's-". He broke off as Emily rose, placing a hand on her son's shoulder.

"I'm sure," she said calmly, "that Alice and her colleagues are doing everything in their power to keep Lily as comfortable as possible. Please, continue telling us everything you know, Healer Davies."

"Thank you, Mrs. Potter," Alice said with a sigh and a small smile in the other woman's direction. "James, we have given her every kind of pain killer known to magic-kind, but there is no way to completely counteract that level of powerful magic. All that we can do is wait until the magic releases itself from her body. There are ways to help that process along. _Crucio Renovo_ targets a particular area of the body, usually the place where the spell actually hit the victim. In Lily's case, the pain is localized in her stomach.

"Our goal at the moment is to keep that high-level of magic out of her vital body organs, especially her heart. This is a very serious condition, I won't lie to you. If not treated properly and immediately, it does kill. However," she added, holding up her hand to stop James' comment. "you managed to get Lily here just moments after the symptoms began, and I was able to diagnose it quickly, as I knew that Lily was a Muggle-Born and that she had been in battle earlier today. I have every hope that she will make a full recovery. However, that will take some time. We are doing everything we can to get Lily well and out of pain and home as quickly as we can. I love her, too, she's my best friend," Alice said.

"I know you are," James replied, taking her hand and squeezing it. "Thank you, Alice." He smiled tightly at her, and received one in kind. "Can I see her?" he asked anxiously.

Alice hesitated.

"She's still in a lot of pain and very unstable right now," she said slowly. "Maybe just you, for now, James? The rest of you can come upstairs to a waiting room near Lily's ward, if you'd like. There's free coffee up there and the tea room is quite near."

Emily squeezed her son's shoulder, and he turned to look at her.

"I think I'll head home, James, now that I'm convinced that Lily's in good hands and not in any immediate danger. Floo me if anything changes?" she asked. James nodded, embracing his mother and kissing her cheek.

"I'll take you home, Emily, then come back here and wait," Sirius offered, rising from his seat.

"Thanks, Padfoot," James said.

"Not a problem, mate."

Remus sighed tiredly. "It's a full moon tomorrow," he muttered, "so I really ought to go home and get some rest, if you don't need me, James?"

"No, go, that's fine," James said. James, Sirius, Emily, and Alice all knew about Remus' lycanthropy. Lily was unaware of it, though she and Remus were good friends, and James was certain that she would not care or, indeed, feel any differently at all towards Moony. He was extremely sensitive about the subject. Emily had been good friends with Remus' mother before Mrs. Lupin's death, so she had known about his lycanthropy for years. Alice had been let in on the secret by Dumbledore. As part of her work for the Order, she was to help Remus out during his transformations, using her skills as a Healer and always keeping her eyes and ears out for any new breakthroughs in the science and study of lycanthropy.

Remus smiled weakly and turned to the fireplace. He, Sirius, and Emily departed.

"Come on and follow me, then," Alice said grimly, leading James out of the office, down the hall and towards the wards.

"She may be asleep, and, if she is, I'm going to have to ask you not to wake her," Alice cautioned. "The body heals best when it is able to sleep, and Lily didn't get any sleep at all last night. She is extremely weak and still in a considerable amount of pain. She's also running a high fever. It's nothing to worry about, very characteristic of her condition, but it may make her a little loopy." James nodded, trying to absorb all of this information at once. They stopped in front of a door. "I got her a private room, partly because of the severity of her condition and partly because of the need for privacy. We don't want anyone finding out who exactly is in the Order of the Pheonix, do we? Anyway, it's right through here. You've got about ten minutes, then I'll have to kick you out, because Lily truly does need rest. I'll be back." With that, Alice departed down the hallways. James hesitated for a moment, then slowly opened the door and walked into the room.

Lily looked very small in the large hospital bed. Her hair was wet from sweat and matted. Her eyes were closed, but her breathing was uneven and a bit sporadic, so James was fairly certain that she wasn't asleep. She looked very, very small.

James approached the bed cautiously. Her face was shiny with sweat and very red. There were already dark circles under her eyes. She lay perfectly still in the bed, save for the slight rise and fall of her chest as she breathed uneasily.

"Lily?" James whispered her name very softly. She opened her eyes and looked up at him, slightly confused.

"James?" she croaked out his name, her voice dry and weak.

"Yeah, it's me, love. Hi. How are you?" James had reached her bedside now, and he knelt next to her, his eyes boring into hers.

"I've been better," Lily replied softly. She winced as she spoke, a spark of pain shooting through her stomach. James smiled sympathetically.

"Will it hurt if I touch you?" he asked, hesitating again.

"No," Lily said with a soft groan of pain.

"Good," James replied, reaching out, gently taking her small, warm hand in his. He raised it slowly, pressing his lips to the back of it, then holding it against his cheek. He closed his eyes for a moment, wishing that, by that simple action, he could transfer her pain onto himself and bear it willingly so that she wouldn't have to. He gently kissed her palm, then let their hands come to rest on her bed, interlacing his fingers with hers.

* * *

James went to floo Moody as soon as he left Lily's room.

"Hey, Moody," he called from the fireplace. The older Auror looked up from the paperwork in front of him, glaring down at James' head in the fire.

"What do you want, Potter?" he growled.

"I just wanted to let you know that Lily's in St. Mungo's. She's got something called _Crucio Renovo_." Moody's eyes widened at the words.

"She's got _Crucio Renovo_, and she's still alive?" he asked incredulously.

"Well, um, yeah," James replied.

"Damn. That's a serious condition, Potter."

"Yeah, I know," James muttered. "I wanted to talk to you about work, though." They had completed their training program several weeks before and now worked full-time for the Auror Department. The hours were somewhat irregular, but Lily and James had been lucky so far to have been able to spend a good deal of time together, even at work.

"Well, it's obvious that she won't be working for quite a while," Moody growled, stating the obvious.

"Yeah, but I was wondering if I could have some time off as well," James said, uncertainly. Moody pulled out the timetable of schedules from a drawer in his desk. He flipped a few pages until he found Lily's name and grabbed his quill, notating that she would not be in to work because of her severe illness. He would find someone to replace her shifts later. He glanced down to James' name.

"How much time do you want, Potter?"

"As much as you feel like you can give me without seriously docking my pay," James replied ruefully. Moody chuckled at that.

"Well, you aren't due to work until tomorrow, but I can give you tomorrow off for sure, and definitely Thursday. You'll have to come in on Wednesday, though, because we'll already be short-staffed that day. Lupin won't be coming in because of-"

"The Full Moon, right." Today was Monday, so he would definitely have today and tomorrow with Lily. It depended which day she would come home know if he needed to beg for Wednesday off or not.

"And you're only scheduled for a five our fact-finding shift on Friday, so you can just forget it as well. Prewitt can handle it on his own," Moody said gruffly. "We'll just take it a week at the time."

James nodded meekly. "Thanks, Moody," he said.

* * *

A/N: Well, I think that this qualifies as one of my fastest ever updates! Go, me! If anyone is curious, as far as I could find _Crucio Renovo_ means something like "Torture renewed" in Latin. I'm not a Latin student, so I had to rely on an online translator site. Hope everyone enjoyed this chappie!

Please review. I don't care if you just say "Cute story. I liked it." or "Crappy story. I hated it." I'd prefer the first choice, but please be honest! Just lemme know that you've been here and you've read it.

Love from

Lyny Angell


	4. Recovery

A/N: Sorry it's so short. I just got back from a long vacation, and I'm too tired for anymore tonight.

* * *

Chapter 4: Recovery

* * *

Lily remained in St. Mungo's for almost a month. Alice had finally informed them that as soon as the magic began to come out of Lily's body on its own, she would be released.

"Come out?" Lily asked. "Come out how?"

"Well, I've never seen it done, but from the way it's described, it pretty much sounds as if it will just come out of your mouth in a puff of smoke," Alice replied.

Alice, Emmeline, and James sat in a semi-circle around Lily's bedside. Lily had finally convinced James that during the hours when she was not experiencing pain, she was perfectly able to fill out reports and do other kinds of paperwork for the Auror Department and for the Order. Therefore, Emmeline had come to bring Lily a fresh stack of papers, to pick up the ones that Lily had finished, and to have a short visit.

Lily's condition had certainly improved since the night she had been admitted to St. Mungo's. Although some hours passed when she was virtually pain free, others brought mind-blowing pain such as she had experienced when she was under the Cruciatus Curse. The pain always began in a bubbling knot in her stomach, and there was simply no way to stop it. She still ran a high fever and was extremely weak.

"'A puff of smoke,'" Lily repeated, as though the idea sounded completely ridiculous.

"That's what all the medical texts I've read say, and that's what all of my colleagues say, so, yes, I believe it will be a puff of smoke," Alice replied, grinning at her friend. Lily sighed, turning her head to look at James.

"I want to go home," she told him plainly, a thickness usually associated with tears present in her voice. "I miss you."

"I know," James said with a tired sigh. "I've been here as much as I can, love." He had indeed spent every possible moment he could in the hospital. If he wasn't working, he was at St. Mungo's, keeping a vigilant watch over Lily as she slept, filling out his own paperwork as she did hers, or simply sitting by her bedside, talking and trying to keep her mind off her present situation. For the first two weeks, he hadn't gone home a single night. He had, instead, conjured himself a cot on the floor and slept by her side. That is, he had slept every night by her side until Sirius had caught him sleeping and drooling over his desk at work. The cot, despite James' best efforts, was not very comfortable. Worse than that, though, was the fear and panic he felt when he saw his wife looking so small and weak in that hospital bed.

Insistent that James needed some good and solid sleep, Sirius had hauled James' arse in to see Lily that very day and demanded that he stop staying nights at the hospital. Lily had quite readily agreed, persisting that she was quite capable of putting herself to bed at night.

"I'm a big girl, James," she had said plaintively. Therefore, most of James' evenings for the past two weeks had consisted of a long visit at the hospital, a solitary journey home, a small, solitary meal, and a large empty bed. He was, he had to admit to himself, lonely for her.

"I didn't mean it that way," Lily said softly, startling James out of his thoughts. "You worry about me too much as it is; you're going to make yourself sick. All I meant was that I'm lonesome for you." She stretched her hand out, looking at him with the startling green eyes that James wasn't ever able to resist. He took her small hand in his, squeezing it lightly and then holding it between both of his own.

"I know exactly how you feel," he said softly.

Emmeline cleared her throat, slightly uncomfortable at being privy to such a private family moment between her colleagues.

"I have a shift starting for the Order soon," she said very softly. Sirius had recruited Emmeline for the Order soon after they had begun working together at the Auror Department.

"Thanks for visiting, Emmeline," Lily said, forcing herself to smile through the raw emotions that were racking her mind at that moment. The other girl smiled back as she walked across the room and left, nodding to James and Alice.

"I should get home to Frank," Alice said softly. "Floo me if you start coughing up any smoke. If you need anything else, Healer Fleetsking is on duty tonight for this floor." Alice and Frank had decided to move in together for the duration of their engagement.

"Alright, thanks, Alice," James said softly, not looking away from Lily's eyes. Alice left the room, too.

"You should go," Lily said after a few moments. "You need rest, too."

"I'm staying here tonight," James replied.

"James-"

"No. I'm worried about you, I miss you, and you're my wife, so I'm staying here with you tonight. No arguing." James stood, shedding his shoes and cloak. "Budge over," he mumbled. "I'm not conjuring up that ratty old cot again." Lily, realizing that resistance was futile when she was too sick to hex him, moved over in the bed, making room for her husband.

James wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close. "I love you," he whispered into her hair.

"I love you, too."

* * *

The next day, while James was at work, Lily had her first experience with the strange puff of smoke that Alice had foretold. It was one of the worst sensations she had ever felt. However, the good thing was that this was a sign that she was well enough to finally go home, although she would be confined to her bed until all of the magic had been released from her body, which Alice believed would take at least a week.

Moody let James off of work at the office early that day to come and collect Lily and bring her home. James was not scheduled to work for the next two days, and Remus was supposed to cover his shift for the day after that. Alice had told them that the worst of the release of magic would occur in the first three days, and James was rather determined not to leave her side during that time.

Lily's fever had spiked again, leaving her weaker and sicker than she had seemed before, but still happy to be home. The first evening was not too terrible for her. Two more puffs of glittering red smoky magic were released through her mouth that night, and the sleeping potion that James had her take gave her terrible nightmares once she went to bed.

* * *

The next afternoon found Lily and James in their sitting room. James sat in an armchair, Lily laying across his lap, completely miserable. Her legs dangled over one side of the chair and a pillow rested against the opposite arm, supporting her back. She had laid her head on James' shoulder. She was sweating from fever, and James charmed a wet cloth to grow cool every few minutes, which he lay across her forehead, knowing that the remedy did nothing but give her a small amount of comfort.

They had been in that position for most of the day, because it was the position Lily found most bearable. At the moment, James was reading to her, his soft, deep voice nearly lulling her to sleep. He read from _Oliver Twist_, knowing that Charles Dickens was one of Lily's favorite authors, though he himself did not understand a word of what he was reading.

Lily groaned softly, clutching the front of his shirt with one hand and squeezing her eyes tightly shut in pain. James set the book down on the arm of the chair and gathered her more fully into his arms. Lily pressed her face into his neck, crying softly from the pain.

It began, pooling in her stomach, hot and bubbling pain. The curse, it seemed, had originally hit her in the stomach, so that was the place where the majority of her pain had been focused. The pain traveled from her stomach in a tight ball, leaving and aching trail of misery through her body as it came up through her torso. Finally, after what seemed like hours to Lily, her breath caught and she began to cough, sitting up in James' arms. She hacked and coughed for several long moments until a burning puff of smoke was dispelled from her throat. Lily breathed the smoke out, watching as it soared, red and glittering over their heads.

James placed a hand on her stomach, gently rubbing. Alice had told him that this may help to relieve some of Lily's pain, and it did work to some extent.

Still recovering from her latest excretion of magic, Lily raised her head slightly, looking up at her husband. It nearly broke his heart to see her in so much pain and misery. Her eyes were dark and dull. He pressed a gently kiss to her forehead, wrapping one arm around her, supporting her back as he held her pressed against him. His other hand continued to rub her stomach gently.

"I hate this," Lily mumbled, miserably.

"I hate it for you," James agreed, looking into her eyes and feeling a lump rise in his throat. He swallowed it quickly, knowing that this was not the time to show his own weaknesses. He kissed her again, closing his eyes and gently rocking her back and forth.

He gently moved out from under Lily, standing and leaving her curled on the chair. He knelt on the floor before her, grabbing a bottle of pumpkin juice from the coffee table and trying to be discreet as he poured a tiny vial of sleeping potion into it.

He leaned up on his knees, holding the bottle and offering it to Lily. She shook her head, closing her eyes as a few more tears trickled out of them.

"You need to drink more, love," James said desperately. He knew it was very important that she get much more sleep than she had been getting.

Lily shook her head again.

"You drugged it," she said, not accusing him, but stating fact. James sighed. "I hate sleeping potion. My nightmares are always worse when I take it."

"It's just a bit," James said, still holding the bottle out to her. "Really, it was a small vial and I diluted it so it was half water, just like Alice told me." Supposedly, diluting the potion would help prevent it from giving Lily horrible nightmares. Sighing again, James put the cap back on the bottle of spiked pumpkin juice and set it down on the table. He stood and bent down, picking Lily up into his arms. "You need sleep," he said firmly. Lily did not protest. She merely wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed her face into his chest as he carried her bridal style to their bedroom.

James placed his wife gently on their bed and stood towering over her. His gaze was very stern.

"You're taking sleeping potion, whether you think you need it or not," he said firmly. "Would you like it mixed with pumpkin juice, mixed with water, or straight? Your choice."

"Pumpkin juice," Lily muttered, not having the energy to argue with him. James pulled out his wand and waved it, wordlessly summoning the bottle of pumpkin juice that he had already prepared. Lily drank it quickly, then lay back against the pillows. James took the empty bottle from her and placed it on the bedside table. He joined her on the bed.

"I'll stay with you, love," he said softly in to her ear as he pulled her close so that she was spooned against him.

"Mhmm," Lily mumbled sleepily.

"I'll chase all your bad dreams away," James said, wishing that he had the power to chase all of the evil magic out of her body. He pressed a kiss to her hair and held her for hours as she slept peacefully.

* * *

A/N: I know, pathetically sad and fluffy. Oh, well. Deal with it. I need fluff with everything going on in my personal life right now, believe you me!

Please, please send me a review! I don't care if you just say "Cute story! I like it!" or "Crappy story. I hate it!", though I would definitely prefer the first of those options! Just please, please send me a review.

Love from

Lyny Angell


	5. Fight for Life

Chapter 5: Fighting for Life

* * *

"No," James said flatly, staring down at his wife.

Lily glared back at him, fury etched in her face.

"It's not your choice," she said hotly.

"No," James repeated.

They stood at opposite ends of their kitchen, glaring at one another. Lily was bound and determined that she was well enough to go back to work at the Auror Department. Alice had told her that she would be well enough as soon as the magic had all been excreted from her body. Lily hadn't felt any magic release in two days, but she still felt occasional twinges of pain in her stomach. She was convinced that these pains were merely after-shocks and that the magic had dissipated. James, on the other hand, was equally convinced that she was not well and needed to stay home.

"I'm going back to work, and there is nothing you can do to stop me," Lily said fiercely.

"You wanna bet?" James asked, raising an eyebrow.

"It's my body, James! I think I can tell perfectly well when it is healed, thank you very much," Lily snapped, sarcasm dripping from every word.

"Oh, really?" James asked, feigning surprise. "You've stopped having pains, then, have you?"

"Yes," Lily lied firmly. Unfortunately for her, a sharp, white-hot pain bubbled up in her stomach at that very moment. Lily screwed up her face against the pain, doubling over and clutching her stomach.

James rushed across the room, grabbing her forearms and balancing her. He carefully lowered her to the floor, sitting and pulling her into his lap.

"Shh," he whispered. "It's okay, love." A few tears leaked from the corners of Lily's eyes, but she brushed them away furiously. She started to cough, feeling the rush of red smoke make its way through her body until it spurted out of her mouth.

Lily started to get up, but was weakened from the magic and fell back against James' arms.

"I hate this," she said, furiously, failing to quell the tears that spilled onto her cheeks.

"I know, Lilyflower," James replied gently, holding her close. "But don't you see why I don't want you going back to work? I mean, what if this happens on the battlefield, huh? You could be killed."

"James, I work for the Auror Department and am a member of the Order of the Phoenix. I could be killed anytime I step out of the house," Lily said, bitterly.

"Yeah, well, I certainly don't want to increase the chances, do you?" James asked. Lily didn't answer, but winced as another smaller pain coursed through her. James sighed. "Hey," he said softly, gently bringing a hand to her face and turning it to face him. "Are you mad at me?" he asked, resting his forehead against hers.

"Yes," Lily replied.

"Oh, c'mon, don't be mad," James said. He shifted on the floor, leaning up against the counter and pulling her with him, so that they sat on the floor, facing each other. "You love me," he stated, with the air of pointing out the obvious.

"Oh, yeah?" Lily retorted, feeling some of her resolve to stay mad begin to melt away.

"Most definitely. Or at least, that's what the saucy red-headed wench who made love to me last night said," James said, waggling his eyebrows.

Lily blushed.

"You love me," he repeated, standing and holding out his hand to her. Lily sighed, allowing him to pull her up and into his arms. They kissed softly. "I knew it," James said in mock triumph, grinning down at her. Lily couldn't help but giggle.

"Cheeky bastard," she muttered. James laughed, too.

"Fight over?" he asked a moment later, suddenly serious.

Lily nodded.

"Fight over." James kissed her again, much more deeply, and she wrapped her arms around his neck for balance.

"Mm," James said as they broke apart. "There's that saucy wench again." Lily laughed into his mouth as he kissed her again, gently tugging at her hand to pull her upstairs to bed.

* * *

Lily and James finally reached an agreement about her health. Lily would return to work, but not be allowed to leave Auror Headquarters during her shifts. She would do paperwork and train to get back in shape, but she was not to do actual battle or go out on information-seeking missions, or any other sort of mission, until she was truly back to full health.

Lily had not readily agreed to this plan, still convinced that she would be better in a day or so and was more than capable of returning to work at full status. However, Moody had finally talked her into coming back under this temporary status when he had threatened to dock her pay if she didn't do as she was told and stay away from anything dangerous.

Since the department had hired so many new trainees in recent months, salaries of Aurors had been greatly reduced, and Lily and James were having trouble making ends meat as it was, without anyone's pay being docked. They were a far cry from starving on the streets, but money was tight enough for them both to be very concerned with Moody's threat.

Lily was discouraged with how out of shape she was after a more than a month spent in bed. She spent most of her time on duty in the training field, trying to build up more strength. She ran twenty laps around the field each day and dueled with anyone who would take her on. She was slow and lost half of the duels she fought. She hated it, hated feeling weak and useless. Sirius was usually her partner, but they had been temporarily reassigned until Lily was back on full status. Sirius was partnering Frank because Gideon was away on some sort of top-secret assignment that no one was allowed to talk about. James usually partnered Remus, but Remus was away because of the Full Moon, so James was partnering Emmeline, and Lily was left with Fabian. Basically, Fabian stayed inside and pushed paper, while Lily stayed at the Training Field all day.

Lily was alone in the Training Field, running her fifteenth lap of the day when James came to find her. He looked positively irate.

"What the bloody hell do you think you're doing?" he shouted at her from across the field.

"I'm... running...laps," Lily gasped. James started to run towards her, trying to catch her up, but Lily was still faster than he was.

James drew his wand, pointing it at her and muttered, "Impedimenta." Lily was forced to stop in her tracks as James ran over to her.

"Take the spell off," she said, her voice a deadly hiss.

"Not until you listen to me," James replied, his voice just as deadly. "I was just talking to Fabian Prewitt. Would you like to hear what he told me?" James didn't wait for an answer, but plunged on, his voice growing louder. "He told me that you have been out here training at all hours of the day, when you're supposed to be on a light workload, pushing paper. Or, at least, that's what you told me you were doing. But, no, apparently, you've been here training six hours a day until you drop!" James paused, forcing himself to breathe. "I can't believe you! Why are you doing this to yourself? You've just been released from the hospital with the worst case of Crucio Renovo that's been seen in over a _decade_!" James moved closer so his face was right next to hers. "If you don't stop acting this way, you're gonna kill yourself," he snapped. As he finished these words, the power of his jinx wore off and Lily fell into him.

She pushed herself away quickly. "I am not weak," she said firmly.

"No one's ever said you were," James replied, slightly taken aback.

"Bullshit," Lily replied. James stared at her as if she had lost her mind. "You think they don't all say it behind our backs?" Lily asked him. "Everyone thinks I'm just some poor little weak mudblood who only got into the department because her pureblood husband pulled some strings. I can do this job, James! I know that I can, but no one gives me a chance! Even Sirius-"

"That's enough," James said firmly. "Look at yourself. Listen to what you're saying? Do you know how paranoid and insane you sound?" he asked her. Lily only glared back at him. "I'm going to Moody," James said, turning away.

"No, James!" Lily shouted, rushing to catch up with him. "I'll be fired!"

"Yeah, well maybe that's what it takes!" James shouted back, turning to her again. "What else do you want me to do, Lil? Do you really expect me to just stand here and watch you work yourself to death? What, do you?" He raised his hands, shrugging his shoulders. Lily looked away from him, and James softened. "You won't listen to Alice, you won't listen to Fabian, and you sure as hell won't listen to me, so let's just see if you'll listen to Moody." He turned and walked away from her, and Lily stood in the middle of the field, staring after him.

* * *

When James returned to the field with Moody, nearly an hour later, Lily was locked in a fierce duel with Sirius. They dueled in a mere flash of light, color, and sound, spells flying everywhere as they were deflected. James and Moody watched for a moment, transfixed, until Lily finally cried "Stupefy!" catching Sirius off-guard. Lily kicked his fallen wand away, and muttered "Renervate." Sirius stood, dusting himself off. He held out his hand for Lily to shake, but she was already facing him, wand brandished, ready to fight. "Again," she said.

"C'mon, Lily. I'm beat," Sirius said. He did look a bit worse for wear, his long hair sweaty as it hung down in his eyes.

"Again," Lily repeated, more insistently. Sirius looked round and saw Moody and James on the other side of the field. He started to back away from Lily quite quickly when he saw the look in James' eyes. His best friend was furious. Lily followed Sirius' gaze. She saw James and Moody, and her attention immediately snapped back to Sirius. "_Again_," she hissed.

"No." This time it was not Sirius who spoke, but Moody. He was drawing nearer, brandishing his own wand. "Come on, then, Potter," he said gravely. "If you want to duel, you'll duel with me."

"Moody, what-?" James started, but Moody held a hand back, waving it to quiet him.

"Fine," Lily said, turning her wand on Moody and bowing low. Moody returned her bow, never letting his eyes leave hers. They started to duel, and, within seconds, Lily was flat on her back, Moody's wand at her throat. He held out a hand to help her up, but Lily shoved it away angrily, hoisting herself to her feet. "Again," she snapped. They began to duel again with the same result. "_Again_." Moody complied. They dueled five times, and by the end of this, Lily was sporting a bad cut on her lip.

"Moody," James said, uncertainly, starting to step forward.

"Stay out of it," Lily and Moody snarled at him together. James to took two hasty steps backwards. He was starting to regret his decision to involve Alastor, who seemed intent upon teaching Lily her lesson. _'If I don't do something soon, she's going to get seriously hurt'_, he thought.

Lily was on the ground again, but sprung to her feet, breathing heavily. "Again." They began to duel. Suddenly, the same white-hot flash of pain erupted in Lily's stomach, and she screamed, falling to the ground once more.

* * *

When Lily awoke, she wasn't able to see anything. Everything around her was pitch black. Her senses seemed to be melded strangely together. She could hear, and she could feel, but her sight was gone. She felt something warm pressed against one of her hands. When she finally did manage to open her overly heavy eyelids, she saw James, sitting next to her bed, holding her hand. As she looked at him, she watched the emotions fly across his face: from worry, to surprise, to elation, to relief in a matter of seconds.

"Thank Merlin," he breathed after a moment, squeezing her hand and peering down at her.

"Where are we?" Lily asked, her voice soft and dry.

"St. Mungo's," James replied. "How are you feeling?"

"I don't know," Lily answered truthfully. She felt weak and achy all over, but her mind was beginning to focus more clearly.

James rubbed his face tiredly.

"I thought you were..." he started to say, but trailed off, a lump in his throat. He tried again. "I thought you we-were dead." He couldn't stop the tears of relief that stung at his eyes, and he leaned down, gently kissing Lily's cold lips.

"Dead?" Lily asked as he pulled away, hastily wiping his eyes on his sleeves.

"Yes, dead," James replied, looking sharply at her. "Damn, don't you realize how serious this is? I really thought I'd lost you," he said, choking up again. James was scared, more scared than he could ever remember being in his life. Lily was seriously sick, and she truly had been on the brink of death when they brought her to the hospital.

"I'm sorry," Lily whispered. James' obvious fear and despair made the situation much more real to her. Before, he had been angry and frustrated, but, now, she could see that he was truly afraid of what she was doing to herself. She had behaved like a child, and she was ashamed of herself.

James pulled her into his arms, kissing her forehead and rocking her. "It's all right, love," he said softly into her ear. "You'll be fine."

* * *

Lily was released the next day. Alice had been furious with her for pushing herself to such a dangerous level. "What you thought you were doing, I'll never understand!" she had fumed. Alice had also warned her that her situation with Crucio Renovo was worsened. During her duel with Moody, Lily had channeled too much powerful magic, which had reacted badly with the magic that Crucio Renovo still kept stored inside her body. It was now a possibility that Lily would never completely recover.

After a night of drinking foul potions and resting, Lily felt much better. She and James lie in their bed that night, holding onto one another.

"James?"

"What is it, love?" he answered sleepily.

"I really am sorry," Lily murmured. James sighed.

"I know you are," he said, shifting to look into her eyes. "It's all right. I just can't understand what got into you," he added. Her behavior had been strange and erratic over the past week. It reminded him forcibly of the time when she had gotten a concussion at Hogwarts and had taken a potion which made her overreact emotionally to everything.

"I don't know," Lily replied honestly. "I just...I had this insane urge to prove myself to everyone. It felt like I wasn't good enough, like everyone was putting me down, even you. I don't know." Lily buried her face into his neck, and James held her tightly. He sighed again, rubbing her back.

There was a lot that he still didn't know about his wife, or about magic. All he knew was that if they stayed together to fight, they would be strong enough to overcome all evils.

* * *

A/N: I know, I know: You're all shocked that I actually wrote a Lily and James fight scene. It kinda surprised me, too! Anyway, I hope that everyone enjoyed this chapter, and that it helped to bring an edge back into the story.

Hope you liked this one! If you did, let me know. How? Look down. Nope, just a little further. There we go. See that little box. The one that says "Submit Review"? Move over to the right just a little bit. Now click on the box that says "Go". Very good. Now type whatever you feel like typing. I don't care if you just say "This was a stupid story. I hate it." or (hopefully) "Cute story. I liked it!"

Love from

Lyny Angell


	6. Strange Encounters of the Worst Kind

Chapter Six: Strange Encounters of the Worst Kind

James ran his hand tiredly through his hair as he walked through the office, delivering a huge stack of paperwork to Moody. It mostly contained Intel on areas where known Death Eater activities had occurred. The current plan was for the Aurors to stake out the locations and hope that there was more illegal activity that they could follow up on. It wasn't a likely plan, but at that moment, it was the best that they could manage to work up.

James placed the stack of files in the folder on Moody's door which read "In". He was just finishing up his shift for the day and was anxious to get home to his wife. Lily's condition had improved rapidly after her collapse. Alice's explanation, though, was more negative news.

It seemed that the curse had been feeding on the upper level magic Lily had been trying to use during her duel with Moody. It had now, more or less, decided that it liked her body and would use it as an acceptable host. Her condition, most likely, was permanent. It was hard to tell, Alice had told them, because a case of _Crucio Renovo _as severe as Lily's had not been seen since before St. Mungo's opened in the sixteenth century. There wasn't enough information about the disease to be sure how it reacted on individuals, because it was so rare that only a handful of people who had contracted it had ever survived long enough for it to become specific to the wizard's body.

Basically, the curse now allowed Lily to have renewed strength and energy because it was feeding off of her magic and her body. The condition wasn't likely to hurt Lily very seriously, other than the pain she still experienced in her stomach. It also tended to give her stronger magical abilities. These were so strong, in fact, that Lily had been releasing raw, wandless magic left and right without being able to control it. Useful as this skill would have been for an Auror, this ability was quite likely to disappear rather quickly.

James returned to his little cubicle and began to gather his cloak and briefcase. He also stopped by Lily's desk, taking all of the paperwork from her "In" tray and placing it in his case to bring to her. She was insistent about at the very least keeping up with her paperwork and files.

As he walked, James absorbed himself in a few files of his own: profiles of known Death Eaters. He did not notice the beautiful young blonde who was walking towards him until he collided with her, spilling her mug of coffee all down the front of her crisp white robes.

"Oh, no. I'm terribly sorry," James said, stuffing the files into his pocket and repairing her broken mug with a wave of his wand. "I didn't even see you there." The woman looked up, her crystal clear blue eyes filled with warmth as she looked into James' face.

"James Potter!" she exclaimed. "I'm so glad I ran into you! It's been ages." She was smiling at him, her teeth a gleaming white that literally glinted in the light from the torches above them that lit the offices. She was wearing the brightest color of nauseatingly neon pink lipstick that James had ever seen in his life.

"Marcia Torrence," James replied, smiling slightly in recognition. "How have you been?" he asked her, trying to keep his voice as civil and cordial as possible. Marcia was an ex-girlfriend of his, the girl he had dated a few months before he had started dating Lily. She and Lily hadn't exactly had the friendliest of relationships after the engagement was announced.

"I've been fabulous, Jamie!" The overzealous woman replied, smiling that dazzling smile again. "I'm working as a secretary for the Department of Magical Games and Sports, and had a few papers and such to drop off down here. I was kinda hoping I might bump into you," she added, the timbre of her voice lowering slightly. "Though I wasn't expecting it to be quite so literally," she added as an afterthought, looking down at her coffee soaked robes.

"Yeah, listen, I'm really sorry about that," James said, brandishing his wand once more. "Would you like me to, um, dry you out a bit?" he asked, uncertain if he was overstepping the boundary of chivalry or not.

"Please do," Marcia replied, her voice husky as she threw back her shoulders and thrust out her rather expansive and coffee-soaked chest. James forced himself not to concentrate too much on her chest as he quickly performed a drying spell on her. "Thanks so much," Marcia grinned, flipping her hair back across her shoulder. "It's been forever, hasn't it?" she asked, placing a hand on his chest. Her fingernails were long and painted the same shade of pink as her lipstick. Before James had even realized what was happening, she had pushed him backwards into the empty and semi-private cubicle behind him. Her lips were covering his before he had a chance to react to the sudden change of position and it took him a moment to regain his senses and push her away.

"Marcia!" he exclaimed, furious. "What do you think you're-" His words died in his throat as she began to kiss his neck, pulling his tie loose. Finally he mastered himself enough to push her away just hard enough to make her stumble, but not quite hard enough to do her serious injury.

"What the hell do you think you were doing?" he snapped, straightening his tie, furious. "I am very happily married, I'll have you know, and I don't appreciate my old girlfriends coming back and attacking me in the place where my wife and I work!" he started to walk away, picking up his briefcase from the floor. "And by the way," he called over his shoulder at the very distraught woman, "you have serious personal-space-respect issues!"

With that, he stormed out of the office, wiping his face, leaving a very distraught and misguided woman in his wake.

* * *

Lily started work again the day after James' encounter with Marcia Torrence. This time, she had been somewhat content to stay at home until she had made a complete recovery. It would have been insane for her to push herself by going back to work early after the last catastrophe, and Lily appreciated that fact, even if she didn't like it very much.

Needless to say, she was very happy to be back at work. She was partnered with Sirius once more, and life continued for her in the way it had before Crucio Renovo: long, exhausting shifts, low pay, mysterious missions which very rarely ever resulted in an actual capture or any truly useful information, meetings and missions for the Order of the Phoenix, the constant, looming threat of attack from Death Eaters, various stages of sleep deprivation, and not quite enough time left over to spend with her husband, much less do any form of housework!

She was surprised at how quickly she was able to get back into top physical shape. She trained daily at the Auror Training Field, as did every member of the Special Forces Sector, and was back on her A-game in no time at all.

James waited in the waiting room of Saint Mungo's as Lily attended the last of her weekly official check-ups with Alice. As he thumbed uninterestedly through a back issue _Witch Weekly_, he suddenly found himself haunted by the memory of his encounter with Marcia Torrence. He had decided not to tell Lily about the incident, hoping to spare her feelings. Nothing had happened that he could have avoided, he had reasoned, and telling Lily about it now would only hurt her feelings, which he most certainly did not want to do.

Still, his guilt about the incident was considerable. He kept trying to remind himself that he hadn't done anything wrong, that he had successfully overcome the temptation of Marcia's advances, but he still couldn't help but hate himself a little bit for allowing it to happen in the first place.

"Ready to go?" Lily's voice startled him out of his thoughts. He lowered the magazine, fixing his face into a smile.

"Yup. What did Alice say?" he asked, standing and wrapping his arm around her waist as the walked to the floo bank to go home.

"Pretty much the exact same thing as she told me when we talked at tea yesterday," Lily replied sarcastically. "She thinks that I don't eat enough or sleep enough and that my job is entirely too stressful."

"Lily," James replied carefully, barely concealing a smile, "You _don't_ eat or sleep enough, and our job _is_ entirely too stressful." Lily hit his shoulder playfully, grinning at his jibe.

They apparated home to Godric's Hollow and began to walk up the lane of the quiet little town. Hand in hand, they spoke cheerfully of their joy in Lily's recovery.

"We should have a party," James suggested.

"What?" Lily laughed.

"A party," James repeated, grinning. "To celebrate your recovery."

"James, there's no way we can get enough people over here for a party," Lily replied, looking at him as if he were crazy. "All of our friends are either in the Order or work for the Auror Department."

"I know," James replied. "We'll have it just after an Order Meeting and that's who we'll invite. We can use the Manor and everything."

"You're barking," Lily giggled. "Why would anyone want to celebrate something so trivial as recovery from a battle wound with a party?"

"Because," James replied, his voice going deep with sadness, "we don't have much to celebrate in the world lately." By the far away look in his eyes, Lily could tell that he was thinking of his father. She squeezed his hand.

"All right, you great bat," she grinned, leaning up to kiss his cheek. "We can have a party if you want to, but you've got to organize it, alright?" James nodded enthusiastically. "I know _I _certainly don't have the time to organize a party, and I can honestly say that I don't have any idea where you'll find it either, but you go right ahead, baby." James grinned, looking around for Muggles before pulling out his wand and beginning to take the wards off of their home before they entered.

* * *

When Lily woke up the next morning, the sun was already shining high in the sky and James was standing over her, holding a tray with breakfast for two and two steaming mugs of coffee.

Lily grinned up at him, stretching luxuriously. "To what do I owe this pleasure?" she asked, smiling as she accepted the tray so that James could climb in to bed with her.

"To the fact that this is the first time in months that we've both had the day off and both been well," James replied. Lily laughed.

"I like it when you act sweet and romantic," she said, taking a bite of scrambled egg.

"I'm always sweet and romantic," James replied, pretending to be offended.

Lily giggled and leaned over to kiss his cheek. "Don't be arrogant, love," she admonished, teasing him.

James wrinkled his nose, frowning playfully at her. They finished breakfast, and James banished their tray back to the kitchen, then rolled over, holding himself up on his elbows, leaning over his wife and kissing her soundly. The kiss was soft and lazy, but Lily pulled away fairly quickly.

"What?" James asked.

"Sweetheart, if we're going to start something right now, we both need to get up and brush our teeth first, because you have breakfast breath, and I'm certain I don't taste like roses either," she said, laughing and slipping out from under him and towards the bathroom. James got up and followed her, laughing, too.

* * *

Lily and James decided to use the remainder of their day off to catch up on all of the housework that desperately needed to be done. James was sent to do almost a month's worth of dirty dishes and try to clean out the pantry, while Lily handled the laundry.

She was sorting through the dirty clothes, when she came across a shirt of James', which was balled up behind the clothes hamper. Frowning, she pulled it out and unrolled it. As she did, something strange caught her eye. There was a lipstick stain on the shirt. It wasn't any shade of lipstick, either. It was the brightest, most nauseating neon-pink that Lily had ever seen in her life.

Lily stared at the stain, her thoughts rushing around her mind so fast that she couldn't make out anything. She felt wetness on her cheek, and, raising her hand to the spot, she realized that she was crying. This revelation seemed to bring her out of her daze. Her hands clenched on the shirt and she wheeled around, heading towards the door.

"POTTER!!" she shouted as she raced down the stairs to the kitchen.

"Love, when on Earth did we eat this? It looks like it's about a year old," James grumbled, holding out a container of very moldy food. Lily stood in the center of the kitchen, glaring at him, fuming. James turned to her. "What's wrong?" he asked, catching sight of her red face and teary eyes. He took several quick steps toward her, but suddenly found himself with his wife's wand in his face. "Lily, what-?" he broke off as he caught sight of the shirt in her hand, and his face drained completely of color. "I can explain," he said quickly.

"Explain my arse!" Lily shouted. "You cheated on me!" As she spoke, the lights in the room flickered dangerously. Lily did not have a handle on the powerful magic that _Crucio Renovo_ had given her.

"You've got to calm down," James said softly, taking a hesitant step closer to her.

"No!" Lily screeched. "I will not calm down! I want an explanation, James. Who was she?" Her eyes were blazing, and James knew better than not to answer.

"Marcia Torrence," he muttered, looking down at the floor. "But, Lily, it was an accident."

"How do you accidentally _cheat_ on your _wife_?"

"It's easier than you might think," James muttered under his breath. He was thoroughly regretting his decision not to tell her what had happened sooner.

"Oh, so I'm easy to cheat on? Is that what you're trying to say? I'm such a terrible wife that you don't have any problems with it?" Lily was pacing around the room and didn't even notice when objects began flying around the kitchen of their own accord.

"Lily, you're twisting my words," James snapped, losing his own temper a bit.

Lily ignored him.

"I'll bet you did it when I was sick, right? You just got tired of having a wife who couldn't give you any action, so you found someone else. Is that right, James?"

"_No_," James said firmly, slamming his fist down on the kitchen table.

"I'm leaving," Lily announced, her eyes flashing.

"What are you talking about?" James asked exasperatedly. If she would just give him a chance to explain!

"I can't stand to be in the same room with you! I don't want to see your stupid, arrogant, cheating face!" She strode from the room and pounded up the stairs, packing a bag with a wave of her wand. James reached the door just as she was leaving the room. He spread his arms across the doorframe, blocking her path.

"Get out of my way," Lily snarled.

"Not until you listen to me," James replied.

"Move, now," Lily demanded.

"No."

Lily glared at him, swelling with anger. The lights in the bedroom began to flicker. Before Lily could even begin to control what was happening, the items in their bedroom began to rise into the air. The lamp from the bedside, several heavy leather books, picture frames, the mirror off the wall, the bedclothes, and every pair of shoes that James owned came hurtling towards them. James ducked out of the way, leaving Lily just enough time to push past him before the wave of items started to attack her husband, hitting him over and over again. Lily raced to the door and apparated to Alice and Frank's.

By the time she knocked on the door, Lily was in tears. Great, sobbing tears that tore at her chest, making it difficult to see, to hear, to think, to breathe. Alice answered the door, and her usually bright and happy face fell as soon as she saw Lily.

"What's happened?" she asked, instantly drawing her friend into a hug.

"I-I've j-just left James. Our m-marriage is over!"

* * *

A/N: Please don't kill me! Trust me, this was just as hard for me to write as it was for you guys to read! Hope you all enjoy it anyway! Please review. Just say "Cute story I like it" or "crappy story I hate it" if you want (though I prefer the first option!) and let me know that you've been here and read it!

Love from

Lyny Angell


	7. Always

A/N: This is shorter than I had originally intended, so I'm sorry if it feels rushed, but I wanted to get it posted, since it's been so very long, and I'm not likely to have much more time for writing in the upcoming couple of months, so here you are!

Chapter 7: Always

Lily and Alice sat on Alice's sofa, both holding mugs of hot tea. Lily's face was still tearstained. Frank had been banished to the bedroom for the evening so that the friends could talk privately.

"And he didn't offer any explanation at all?" Alice asked, lowering her mug and setting it on the coffee table.

"He tried," Lily scoffed, "but there's nothing he can say to make this better."

Alice sighed.

"But, even if he really did cheat on you," she began.

"What do you mean 'if'?" Lily asked.

"Well, you've got to at least give him the chance to explain his side of the story. That's how communication works in a marriage," Alice replied, forcing the edge of sarcasm out of her voice. "But, if he really did cheat on you . . . Does that necessarily mean that your marriage is over?"

Lily took another sip of her tea, considering. There was no doubt in her mind that James did still love her, even if he had cheated. But she didn't know if she would ever be able to forgive him. Would he start to call another woman's name in his sleep? Would he think of her when he made love to Lily? She shuddered at the thought.

"I don't know," she said after a long pause. "I don't know anything right now," she muttered, her eyes filling with fresh tears.

Alice took Lily's mug and set it down, pulling her friend into a hug.

"Everything will work itself out, one way or another," Alice said, rubbing Lily's back. "And you know you're welcome to stay here as long as you like. It's going to be okay, Lily."

A knock sounded at the door, and Alice rose to answer it.

"Don't know who it could be at this time of night," she muttered irratably.

James stood in the threshold.

"I'm not leaving here until you let me see her," he said firmly, leaning slightly against the door frame.

"That's up to Lily on whether she wants to speak to you or not," Alice said, glaring coldly at him. "In fact, I think it's better if you just leave, James."

"No, Alice, let him in," Lily replied, her voice even. Alice sighed and stood aside, admitting James into her home. Lily stood in the living room glaring as coldly as humanly possible at her husband. They stared at one another for several unbearably long moments before Lily finally spoke. "So, did you come here to stare at me or do you have something to say?" she asked, her words scalding.

"I have something to say," James replied softly. They stared for another moment.

"Well, spit it out, then," Lily muttered.

"I'm sorry," James said and, in the moment that passed before he could continue, Lily burst out savagely.

"You're _sorry?_ Sorry! You cheated on me and then hid it from me so that I had to find out by finding another woman's lipstick on the collar of your bloody shirt and all you can say to me is that you're _sorry_?"

"No, Lily," James replied, his own voice growing heated. "I didn't cheat on you! I came to explain what happened if you would just listen to me for five bloody seconds."

"I'm not exactly in much of a mood to listen to anything you've got to say. Sod off."

"Lily," Alice interrupted tentatively.

"What?" Lily snapped.

"I-I think you ought to listen. You two need to talk. Just hear him out. I'll be in the other room." Alice walked quickly into her bedroom.

James took a deep breath then started to speak. "It was about two weeks ago. I was just leaving the office. I ran into Marcia Torrence, and I spilled her coffee everywhere. It was all down the front of her shirt, so I was trying to be polite, I just did a little drying charm. Honestly, I don't even know how it happened. One moment we were just standing there, talking politely. She told me that she works at the Ministry. But the next moment, I don't know, she had pushed me back and she was all over me. I pushed her away and I told her that I was happily married and then I walked away. I swear, Lily, I never wanted that to happen. I didn't intend for you to ever find out."

"If that's really what happened, why weren't you honest with me? Why didn't you just tell me so I didn't have to find out like that? You've no idea how that felt," Lily said, dabbing at her tearing eyes. James produced a handkerchief from his pocket and handed it to her. She took it without a word, staring up at him, waiting for an answer. James sighed and sat next to her on the sofa.

"I know now that I should have told you about it. But, you were just starting to get well, and Alice said that emotional stress could make things worse, so I was thinking about that, and I… I just didn't want to hurt your feelings."

Lily put her face in her hands, her mind spinning. "I want to believe you," she said softly.

"I swear that I'm telling you the truth," James replied. Lily looked up at him, and their eyes met.

"Okay," she said softly, nodding and sniffling.

"Yeah?" James replied, hopeful, relieved.

"Yeah," Lily replied, nodding again. James held out his arms and Lily let him pull her into an embrace.

"I'm so sorry," James murmured into her hair, kissing the top of her head. "I should have told you."

"I'm sorry, too," Lily replied. "I should have given you a chance to explain before I just assumed that I knew what had happened."

"I would have done the same thing," James said.

"And I understand why you didn't tell me. I still wish you had, but…. I get it." James held her tighter, and Lily breathed deeply, inhaling his scent. She looked up into his eyes and James kissed her softly.

"You will always be the only woman for me," James murmured against her lips. "Always."

Lily sniffled again and kissed him back, hard, needing to feel him there with her, needing him so completely at that moment that she felt as if she would fall if he weren't right there next to her. _Always_.

"Let's go home," she said softly as they pulled apart. James nodded and stood, pulling her to her feet.

Alice walked back into the room. "I didn't hear shouting, so I thought it might be okay to come and check and see if everything's okay," she said softly.

"Yeah, everything's fine," said James.

Lily nodded, looking up at him. "It was all just a big misunderstanding," she added.

"That's good," Alice said, smiling at her friends. "We'll see you both soon, then, yeah?"

"Yeah," Lily replied as she and James walked out the door. They apparated home, holding hands. James took down the wards around the house, and they walked inside. Without saying a word, they both walked straight to their bedroom.

James closed the door, and Lily sat on the bed, removing her shoes and her cloak. James walked over and knelt in front of her, placing his hands on her knees. Lily covered his hands with her own, looking into his eyes.

"I love you," James said. Lily smiled.

"I love you, too," she said softly, squeezing his hands. James stood and then joined her on the bed, laying her on her back and settling over her, kissing her soundly. Lily cupped his face in her hands, fighting back a moan of longing and desire. James broke the kiss and looked straight in to her eyes once again.

"I'm yours," he said softly. "Totally and completely yours, always."

Lily felt herself tear up again and James kissed the tears away before kissing her lips again, passionately, hotly, pressing his tongue between her lips, pulling at the hem of her shirt at the same time. Lily broke the kiss and ran her hands up and down his sides and back as he kissed her neck, removing her shirt entirely. Soon, they were both entirely naked, making love in their own home, in their own bed. They soothed over emotional wounds with soft kisses and touches, forget jealousy and distrust, and lost themselves entirely in their passion and love for each other, reaffirming their claims on each other's bodies, expressing their love without words, letting their souls speak silently through the union of their bodies.

Afterwards, they lay in each other's arms, basking in the afterglow of sex.

"Hey," James said softly.

"Hmm?" Lily replied, sleepily.

"You still want to have a party?" James asked. Lily laughed, turning in his arms to face him. The look on her face said quite clearly that she thought he had lost his mind and found him adorable for it. "Come on," James replied. "Let's have a party. I want to celebrate." He kissed her quickly. "Say yes."

Lily laughed again. "You can throw whatever sort of party you want, love," she replied.

"I love you," James said, jubilantly. Lily smiled, but then her look softened, remembering the events from earlier in the day, suddenly insecure.

"Always?" she asked, her voice barely above a whisper.

"Always."

A/N: Well, there you have it, I hope that you enjoy. Keep in mind, with married couples, especially couples with tempers like Lily and James', just because you've made up, doesn't mean that the fight is forgotten.

At any rate, please review. I don't care if you just say "Cute Story. I like it." or "Crappy Story. I hate it". Obviously I'd prefer the first option, but it's up to you. Anyway, just drop me a line to let me know that you've read it and if you like the fic or not. Again, I apologize for the horrible length of time between updates!

Love from

Lyny Angell


	8. Party All Night Long

Chapter 8: Party All Night Long

* * *

James was determined that this party would be the biggest blowout bash anyone had been to since his and Lily's wedding. He checked with Dumbledore, asking for a good date to throw a party after an Order meeting, and the party was set for two weeks later. That didn't leave a terrible amount of time for throwing a blowout bash, but James was sure he could accomplish it.

True to her word, Lily didn't lift a finger to help, not that James would have let her help if she had wanted to. Her health, according to Alice, was probably as good as it was going to get. It didn't appear that Lily would ever recover completely from _Crucio Renovo_, but her symptoms were much less pronounced. She was still fatigued more easily than she had been before, and she still suffered occasional pains in her stomach, but other than that, she was basically back to normal.

Planning the party around their crazy and hectic work schedules was proving quite difficult for James, so he had enlisted the help of the Marauders. Remus was in charge of the menu, Sirius was in charge of finding music for dancing, and Peter was left to decorations (they assumed that, at least, this, he could not possibly mess up).

Lily and James' work schedules were hectic, but they both enjoyed the work. Lily couldn't talk about her job very much, considering that it was all secret missions and assignments. She had been deployed on several overnight missions, which always made James uneasy. He wanted to be with her, wanted to protect her. Lily always returned the next day or the day after, unharmed, well pleased with the job she had done, unable to give James any of the details he craved.

"Come on!" he begged as Lily returned home after two days on assignment. "I live vicariously through you. All I do is profiles and background checks and paperwork."

"You do more than that. I heard there was a battle last night," Lily replied.

"A small one, no casualties on either side. They apparated away as soon as they realized they were outnumbered."

James loved the action of battles, the adrenaline rush. He knew Lily's job was bound to be just as exciting, and although he knew that he was still a superb dueler and that his job was also very important, his professional envy drove him insane. Lily was patient with him, understanding that he didn't like his job. She knew how important it had been to him to become an Auror, like his father, and how hurt he had been when he had been assigned to the Information Sector.

As often as Lily explained that her job wasn't truly that fascinating, James remained sulky and jealous. Lily leaned over and kissed him softly.

"I'm going to start dinner." she said. James sighed.

"You're not going to tell me anything, are you?" he said.

"James, I can't and you know it," Lily replied, simply, not wanting to start the argument again. James ran his fingers through his hair in frustration, and Lily went into the kitchen to make supper.

* * *

The evening of the party, Dumbledore cut the meeting short and everyone moved to the basement of Potter Manor, where Sirius and Remus had spent most of the day setting up. Remus had found a fabulous caterer, and the food, which consisted of the typical vegetable and fruit trays and crackers with dip, as well as hamburgers, hot dogs, and a Greek salad with fabulous dressing, was set out along tables surrounding the room. Not only had Emily offered her home for the party, but she had insisted upon paying for the food, too, saying it was her gift to them for Lily's recovery.

It was very dark inside, but Sirius had hung a muggle disco ball (he ended up being in charge of decorations too because Peter hadn't been able to come to the party). There were flashing lights and bouncing disco music filling the room.

James and Lily entered the room first, hand-in-hand. Lily laughed when she saw how perfect the whole room looked and turned to face her husband.

"This is wonderful, James!" she said, yelling over the music. He grinned.

"It's all for you, Lilyflower!" They laughed as James pulled her onto the dance floor, and they were soon surrounded by all of the younger members of the Order and many of their friends from Hogwarts. The party lasted for hours, and Sirius, who had decided to act as DJ himself, started to play some slower songs near the end, as the party was winding down.

"This one's for you, Lily and James," he said, pressing a button, so the first notes of Chicago's "Color My World" began to play.

Lily and James were sitting at a table, drinking and watching their friends dance as the party started to wind down. James set down his beer and took Lily's wine glass, holding out his hands to her. They walked to the dance floor together.

James gently took her hands, twining their fingers together. Lily smiled up at him as they started to sway to the music. Then she closed her eyes, leaning her head against his chest. James moved his arms, wrapping one around her waist as they swayed. Lily clasped her hands behind his neck. As the lyrics started, James sang softly in her ear,

_"As time goes on I realize_

_Just what you mean to me_

_And now, now that you're near_

_Promise you love_

_That I've waited to share_

_And dreams of our moments together_

_Color my world with hope of loving you."_

James was a decent singer, which Lily knew from his presentation at their wedding reception, but she rarely got to hear him sing. It was sweet and romantic, his lips moving against her ear, singing so softly that only she could hear him.

As the song ended, James gently lifted his wife's chin, kissing her softly, still swaying to the music around them. They were totally and completely lost in each other, in their own little world. When the music stopped, Lily took her husband's hand again, slipping away from their guests, pulling him into a small sitting room upstairs.

James pulled her around to face him and kissed her slowly and sensuously, assuming that this was the reason she had pulled him away.

"I love you," he whispered against her lips as he broke the kiss. She could feel his smile.

Lily smiled back.

"Let's sit," she said softly. James nodded and sat down on the sofa, pulling her onto his lap, starting to kiss her again. Lily laughed softly as she pulled away.

"No, baby," she smiled. "We have to talk," she added, a slight quaver in her voice. She knew that this was wholly unexpected, knew that he would be shocked beyond belief, but she had to tell him, had to let him know what was going on.

"About what?" James asked softly, taking her hand. He was very slightly drunk and having her this near was killing him. He wanted to kiss her at that moment and never let go; he simply wanted _her._

"I have something to tell you," Lily replied softly.

"What is it, love?" James said, now more than a little curious. She was building up to something big, he could tell.

"At first, you might think that this is a bad thing, but I think that once we've had time to discuss it and think it over, we'll both be happy."

"Lily," James said, now quite serious, "Just tell me."

Lily took a deep breath, placing a hand on her stomach and looking directly into his eyes.

"I'm pregnant."

The shock in the room was palpable. James' hand, which had been squeezing hers tightly, went suddenly slack. He stared at her with a blank expression, without saying a word.

"James?" Lily said, tentatively. "Love, I said that we're going to have a baby."

He blinked, seeming to come out of a trance.

"You're sure?"

"Quite."

He sighed deeply, burying his face in his hands. "I-I can't think," he said softly. "I've got to process this. I'll see you at home," he said, standing up and walking out of the room, leaving her alone, staring after him with tears swimming in her eyes.

* * *

As James walked back downstairs, where only a few people remained, sitting at tables finishing their food and drinks or saying goodbye to other friends, Sirius was announcing the end of the party.

"This has been Siriusly Black Night, your DJ for the evening. The cute blonde in the red dress over there by the punch bowl needs to come to the booth, I have some very important numbers to exchange with her. Hope you folks have had a nice night, this is our last song or the evening. Apparate safe, don't splinch yourselves because you're too drunk to see straight." He hit play for a wizarding song by Celestina Warbeck called "The Strongest Potion is Love" and hopped down from the DJ booth. As soon as he spotted James, he could tell that something was wrong. He walked over to his friend quickly, the blonde in the red dress completely leaving his mind.

"What's up, Prongs?" he asked, putting a hand on James' shoulder.

"We need to talk," James grunted. "Grab Remus and let's get out of here, please. I-I can't deal with this." He ran his hands through his hair at rapid-fire speed.

Sirius waved Remus over and they apparated together to the pub down the street.

* * *

Lily sat alone at home in Godric's Hollow. She was curled in an armchair by the fireplace, but there was no fire burning in the grate. She held her body as close together as she could, her knees up to her chest, her face streaked with the tears she had been crying for nearly two hours. She wanted this baby. She wanted it more than almost anything, but even more she wanted James to be happy, wanted him to accept it. Sure they were young; she was only eighteen, James nineteen, but that didn't mean that they couldn't have a child, couldn't raise it in a house with love and happiness, the love and happiness that she hadn't experienced since she was twelve, until she fell in love with James.

He had to want this baby. He simply had to. She didn't know what she would do if he didn't. She certainly wasn't going to leave him. It would have been leaving a half of her soul behind, and, besides, where else did she have to go? Her other option was to have the baby aborted. Lily shuddered and sobbed harder at the very though, her hands rubbing over her stomach, where her not even a month old child lay.

She couldn't remember the last time she'd felt so alone, so abandoned. She squeezed her swollen eyes shut, just as she had in childhood, trying to pretend that this wasn't happening. She imagined the reaction she'd wanted from James.

She told him that they were having a baby, and his shocked silence was the same, but after a moment, he smiled, that crooked grin that meant he couldn't believe what was going on. He looked at her, looked down at her stomach, then back at her face, his grin spreading. "A baby?" he asked. Lily nodded. "A baby," he repeated, still sounding amazed. He pulled her close, kissing her with so much passion and love and support that she knew whatever happened, no matter how scared and unprepared she was, he was there with her, helping her through it with his love.

But, no, this wasn't how it had happened at all. He'd left, uncertain and frightened, not having any idea how scared she was, not willing to share the burden together.

Lily curled tighter into the chair, drifting into an uneasy sleep, praying that her husband would come home and play out the scene she had imagined.

* * *

James sat, slumped on a bar stool. Moony and Padfoot had left hours ago, but he couldn't face going home, not yet. He felt like a complete and utter failure. How could he have let this happen? He asked himself the same question over and over again. They were supposed to wait. They weren't supposed to bring children into this crazy, mixed up world until the war was over, until they were old enough to protect the child.

James tapped his shot glass against the bar, indicating that he wanted another drink.

"Haven't you had about enough?" the barkeep asked.

"Nope," James replied. The barkeep sighed and refilled James glass. James took the whole shot of vodka at once, the spinning feeling and the pounding in his head reminding him what an idiot he was, how badly he'd messed up, again.

* * *

A/N: Okay, so, please don't hit me!! I'm sorry it's taken so long. Life is hectic. But, at the very least, I got a nice long chapter up for you, so please don't be too angry with me!

Oh, and don't forget to review! Please, I don't care if you just say "Cute story. I like it" or "Crappy story. I hate it" I prefer the first option, but each to his own, as long as you review.

This chapter is dedicated to my mom, in honour of Mother's Day!

I do not own the song "Color My World".

Love from

Lyny Angell


	9. Fights and Worries

Chapter 9: Fights and Worries

* * *

It was nearly five in the morning when James finally apparated home. He'd walked back to Potter Manor around two, stumbling drunk, and taken a potion to sober him up. He'd slept there for a couple of hours, then come home to get ready for work. He had to be in at seven.

As he slowly pushed the front door open to his home at Godric's Hollow, James uttered a silent prayer that his wife would be in bed asleep, but that was too much to hope for. He saw her, drowsing in the armchair near the long extinguished fire. He sighed deeply, mentally hitting himself over the head again. He'd talk to her after work and straighten things out.

James walked into the kitchen and started to make a pot of very strong coffee to get him through the day.

Lily woke to hear someone rummaging around in her kitchen. Acting mostly on instinct, she grabbed her wand and snuck into the hallway. She peered around the corner into the kitchen but couldn't see anyone.

"Who's there?" she called, wand drawn, leaping out from the shadows. James turned around so fast that he banged his head on the cabinet above him.

"Oh, bugger!" he shouted, grabbing his head in pain. "Damn, you scared the hell out of me," he said, looking at Lily in annoyance.

"Oh," she said flatly. "It's you."

Lily turned and walked out of the kitchen.

James sighed. It appeared that he wouldn't be talking to her after work. It would have to be now, or she might change the locks on him before he managed to get home. He followed her back to the sitting room.

"C'mon, love," James said softly, trying to hug her.

"No!" Lily shouted, her fury bursting forth, bright and hot. "Don't 'C'mon, love'! You left, James! I told you that I was pregnant with your bloody child and you _left_!"

"Oh, you knew I was coming back, Lil!" James replied, annoyed that this was being so blown out of proportion. "I told you I'd meet you at home."

"Yes, I knew you were coming back. I knew that you'd meet me at home, until it got to be midnight, then one in the morning, then two, then three! What the hell was I supposed to think? I started to wonder if there'd been and attack, if you'd been killed, even!"

James opened his mouth only to realize that he had no response to that.

"I see you're perfectly fine, though," Lily snapped. "Now I can kill you myself!"

"I wasn't leaving you!" James shouted back, now angry.

"Well, it sure as hell felt like it!" Lily shouted. "I don't understand you, James. You said we'd be together through the hard times and the easy things! You said that in your wedding vows, James! Why? Why did you have to run off with all of your stupid little friends instead of coming to me? Why couldn't we have done this together?"

"I-I just couldn't deal with all of it. I'm eighteen years old, damn it! You're younger than I am! We're not ready to be parents, Lily!"

"Well, we're going to have to be. This child is coming whether you like it or not, James!" Something suddenly faltered inside of her, the fire associated with an argument left her eyes. "Unless," she said softly. "Unless you don't want the baby…." She let her words hang in the air for a moment. James stared at her in shock, the sadness in her eyes and voice breaking through his anger and frustration.

"You-you're not talking about…" he broke off, hesitant to speak the words.

"Aborting the baby?" Lily was crying now, tears falling slowly down her cheeks. "I-I don't want to do it, James, but I will. I will, if that's what you want." She sounded so broken that James almost stopped her right there, almost pulled her into his arms, but her next words stunned him.

"I l-love you, James. I'd d-d-do anything to stay with you. So, I'll go and have the baby aborted. I'm s-s sorry. So s-s-sorry," she was sobbing in earnest now, and James did go to her, wrapping his arms tightly around her tiny frame.

"You actually think that I would really leave you?" He asked, rubbing slow, soothing circles over her back.

"I though y-you had," Lily replied, clutching his shirt in her fist.

"No," James said. "No, no, no. I would never leave you, Lily. Never. I love you." He sighed, resting his chin atop her head. "There's nothing you could ever do to make me want to leave you. Nothing." He emphasized the word by dropping a kiss to the top of her head.

"Really?" Lily sniffled, looking up at him, her eyes guarded.

"Really," James promised. "And I don't want you to abort this baby, Lily." The shock in her eyes broke his heart. "I can't believe you would even think that I would want that," he added, his brow creased. How could he have been so stupid, he wondered. He had left her, no matter what he said, he couldn't make that go away. He had hurt her, hurt her so badly that she was questioning his feelings for her, wondering if he would want her to kill their child. He was a bloody idiot!

"I-I don't know," Lily said softly. "When you didn't come home, I just thought that it was because of the baby and that if I didn't have the baby, you would come back." It sounded stupid, now, even to her own ears.

"I'm sorry," James said softly. "I'm so sorry, love-" He cut off quickly as Lily pulled out of his arms, sprinting for the bathroom. James followed to see her retching terribly into the toilet. He knelt down next to her and pulled her hair back with one hand, rubbing her back and shoulders soothingly with the other. When she finished, he handed her a bath towel to wipe her mouth.

Lily leaned into him, needing his warmth and comfort. She buried her face in his neck, and James leaned back against the wall, holding her.

"It's okay, love," he said softly, still rubbing her back. "I'm here, now, okay? I promise, I'm here for you. I'll never leave you again."

"Promise?" Lily murmured weakly.

"I swear, I will never, ever leave you alone again," James promised, squeezing her tightly. "I love you, Lily. And I love this baby." He pressed his hand gently against her stomach. Lily closed her eyes, leaning into him even more fully.

"Don't you have to work?" Lily asked him softly after several long minutes had passed.

"I'm too hungover, and you're sick," James replied, grinning slightly.

"You're not hungover in the slightest, and I'm not sick; I'm pregnant," Lily replied.

"Yeah, but Moody doesn't have to know that, does he?" Lily laughed as he kissed her softly. They spent the rest of the day together, talking about the baby, talking about the things they should have discussed the night before, and holding each other all day long.

* * *

Lily's first Healer's appointment with Alice was scheduled for the following day. Alice was not exactly overjoyed by Lily's condition.

"I just don't understand how this happened. I gave you muggle birth-control pills, and you were using contraceptive charms, right?" she asked, concerned as she examined her friend.

"Contraceptive charms?" James asked, blankly.

"I've used them…well, at least, I've almost always used them. I may have forgotten once or twice," Lily said with a slight blush.

"Well, it's no wonder, then," Alice said reprovingly. "Didn't I tell you that your body needed time to recover before having a baby, Lily? I told you, I know that I told you, that it wouldn't be safe to have children for two or three years after a serious attack of _Crucio Renovo_ like you experienced."

"Why did I not know any of this?" James asked, reaching for Lily's hand, concerned.

"I didn't want to worry you," Lily muttered, squeezing his hand gently.

"I asked you, love. I asked what you were doing for birth control, and you said that it was taken care of," James muttered, frustrated.

"Well, it was! I was taking the muggle pills, and I was using the charms! I just…forgot…once," Lily muttered with a blush.

"How can you forget something like that?" Alice exclaimed, exasperated.

"Well, if you must know," Lily snapped in return, "It was the night after James and I had that horrible fight over that stupid woman in the office. I was a bit emotional that night, if you can recall, and it sort of slipped my mind."

Alice glanced at James, who looked just as stunned as she was.

"Well," Alice said after a long and uncomfortable pause. "I suppose that means that we know you're about one month along, now." She smiled with a confidence that she didn't feel. "You haven't had any problems with _CR_ in a couple of weeks, and you're healthy in all other respects, so I don't think that there should be any problems, but I want to see you weekly, just to be cautious."

"I see you just about every day, Ally," Lily said.

"I mean that I want to see you here."

Lily sighed, petulantly. She hated St. Mungo's. It always felt strange to her, like she was being held captive there.

"Fine."

* * *

"So," James said as they walked from the apparition point to their home in Godric's Hollow.

"So," Lily repeated.

"Why didn't you tell me that we weren't supposed to get pregnant?"

Lily looked up at him, trying to decipher his tone. He didn't sound or look particularly angry, but he certainly wasn't happy.

"I don't know," Lily said softly. "I didn't want to worry you. I thought that I had it under control."

"Obviously not," James replied.

"Well, obviously, no." They walked in silence for several long moments.

"I could have helped, you know," James said finally. Lily looked at him, questioning. "I could have helped you to remember. Plus, there's other spells that I could have used, for extra insurance." Lily remained silent, not looking at him. "I mean, if it's dangerous to your health-"

"I'm fine!" Lily snapped, pulling her hand out of his and stomping ahead.

"I know that!" James replied, jogging a bit to keep up with her. "I'm just saying, you could have shared this with me, then maybe we wouldn't be in this position!"

"Position?" Lily repeated, incredulously, turning on the spot to face him. "_Position_? You're calling me being pregnant with your child a 'position'? I'm happy, James! I want this baby! I want to bear your children! It's part of what I'm meant to do, and I know that! I want to start a family with you, to raise a child in a home with love like the love I never got to experience after my parents died! Don't you understand that?" She was so angry that she felt tears pricking her eyes. Besides, who was he to lecture her about talking when things went wrong? He was the one who'd run off and drunk himself half to death after she told him she was pregnant!

"Of course I do," James said softly, his eyes softening as he looked at her. "I'm just worried about you, alright? It's my job to worry about you. It's what I do, love." He stepped forward, taking her hand in his. "I want to have children with you, too," he said softly, bringing the knuckle of her right hand to his lips and kissing it gently. "But, I'm worried about the toll that pregnancy might take on your health right now. We're young, love. We have all the time in the world to have our family."

"We already do have a family," Lily replied, taking one hand from his and placing it against her stomach. James smiled, looking down at it.

"I know," he said, placing his hand over hers. "But, you can't blame me for worrying about the timing of all this." Lily nodded, and James pulled her in for a gentle kiss.

"It's going to be alright," Lily said softly. "Alice gave me some prenatal vitamins and she prescribed several potions to help keep the baby healthy. We're going to be just fine." James nodded, taking her hand again and walking toward home.

* * *

A/N: Okay, so it's a little bit short, but at least I updated quickly this time!

Please review! As always, I don't care if you just say "Cute story! I like it!" or "Crappy story! I hate it!" (Although I'd prefer option one of these examples :) but please drop me a review to let me know that you've been here and are reading. I respond to all reviews that I can, even anonymous reviews, as long as I get your e-mail.

Love from,

Lyny Angell


	10. Seeing Red

Chapter Ten: Seeing Red

* * *

James wanted Lily to tell the ministry about her pregnancy and go on leave as soon as possible, but Lily vetoed his idea almost at once.

"Please," she said sarcastically, "I'm already the weak little mudblood woman who slept her way into this job to most of the Auror Department. All I need now is for everyone to know I've gotten knocked up."

James looked at her sharply.

"Don't use that word," he said, brow furrowed at her use of the term mudblood. "Besides, you're not 'knocked up'. You're pregnant. There's a difference." Lily smiled at him and James hugged her, kissing the top of her head. "You're much too classy to be knocked up, love."

James left for work moments later. Their schedules had been hectic the last couple of weeks. James worked a shift from seven in the morning to four in the afternoon, while Lily worked odd hours, frequently at night. She always snuck quietly into their bedroom when she came home, expecting James to be asleep. After brushing her teeth and changing into her pajamas, Lily snuck into bed, trying as hard as possible not to disturb her husband. But, every night, James rolled over, still half-asleep, and kissed her goodnight, wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her close.

Lily sighed. She wasn't due in to work for another few hours, but she frequently woke up early to have coffee and breakfast with James before her left. Lily rested her hand over the baby bump barely protruding from her usually flat stomach. Life for them was already so hectic, and she knew that this child would only increase the chaos. They would have to find a magical nursery school once Lily went back to work. As much as Lily hated the idea of having her baby in the hands of strangers, she refused to leave work entirely, especially with the war. Perhaps when the war was over, she would settle down. Perhaps she and James would have more children together, and Lily would get to be a housewife. She found herself smiling at the thought.

* * *

James stomped angrily through the Auror office, more pissed off than he'd been in a long time. All of the carefully compiled research he'd gathered over the past month, mostly profiles for missions that would be carried out by the Special Forces Sector, had been "lost".

James had personally put the files in Moody's In-tray before leaving work the day before. Now, they had gone missing, and James was being blamed. He was convinced that someone had stolen the files, but, while Remus tended to think that it was a harmless inter-office prank, James was convinced that something more sinister was going on. There was a spy in the Auror office, and James was determined to find out who it was.

"Hey, Potter," a voice from the cubicle to James' left called. James turned, faced with Marcus Olivers. Olivers was an Auror in the Special Forces Sector. He was a chauvinistic pig, by most accounts, and he'd given Lily a hard time more than once. James was not in the mood to deal with the man.

"Yeah?" he said, trying to keep the anger and frustration out of his voice.

"I heard you got your wife knocked up! She finally gonna learn her place and start staying home with the kiddies?" Olivers snickered.

James was dumbfounded. They'd been very discreet when deciding who to tell about Lily's pregnancy. Only the Mauraders, Emily, Alice and Frank were supposed to know. Before he could really control what was happening, before he realized he was losing control of his temper, which had already been bubbling just before the surface, James saw red. He grabbed Olivers by the collar of his robes.

"What did you just say about my wife?" he growled.

Olivers laughed, enjoying baiting his colleague.

"Just asking if the rumors are true. Didn't realize it was such a touchy subject. I'm guessing it's not your kid, then, eh?" he sniggered.

Before the look of self-satisfaction had completely left Marcus' face, he found himself bodily thrown across the room.

* * *

Lily stomped her way upstairs to her bedroom, for once not caring if she woke her husband. She slammed the bedroom door as loudly as she possibly could and lit a lamp overhead, illuminating the entire room.

James blinked slowly, having awoken with a start when the door slammed.

"What's goin' on?" he muttered sleepily.

"Nothing," Lily snapped, opening her dresser drawer and pulling out a long tee-shirt. She removed her outer robes and then peeled off her work clothes, which were sweaty from her workout earlier. She slipped the tee-shirt over her head. It hung just past her thighs.

"Do you know that's one of my favorite sights in the whole universe?" James asked, sitting up and sliding back the covers of the bed. He patted the space next to him, hoping she would join him.

Lily merely glared at him from across the room and walked into the bathroom, slamming the door with another loud _band_.

James shut his eyes tightly, leaning back against a pillow and letting his head slam against the headboard. She was pissed, obviously, and even more so than he'd expected.

Lily emerged from the bathroom. She shut off the light and slid into bed next to her husband, facing the wall instead of him.

"So, I take it you talked to Moody," James said, wincing as he prepared to the tirade to come. Lily rolled over, sitting up so fast that James backed away slightly in fear.

"How could you be so _stupid_?" She asked, still glaring.

"Will you at least give me a chance to explain myself?" James asked, reaching and picking up his glasses from the bedside table so he could see her clearly.

"I've had a long day of cleaning up your messes, James, and I really don't want to talk to you right now," Lily snapped, rolling back over again.

James waved his wand at the overhead light.

"Hey," he said, grabbing his wife and turning her to face him. "We don't do this. We talk things out. We _don't_ go to bed angry," he said fiercely. Something about the determination in his eyes softened his wife.

"Fine," she said. "Talk."

"Okay," James replied. "Clearly, you haven't heard the whole story-" Lily cut him off.

"The 'whole story'? What 'whole story' are you referring to, exactly? The part about you punching Olivers' lights out or the part about you being on probation and being docked a month of salary? We can't afford that, James!"

"Would you just let me explain?" James shouted in frustration.

Lily blew out a fast breath through her nose, crossing her arms and waiting for him to speak.

"Thank you," James replied. "I was having a hell of a day already, which I'll tell you about later, but it had already gotten me in a pretty shitty mood. Then the blighter goes and starts baiting me, trying to pick a fight. He knew that you were pregnant and he said-" James broke off, not wanting to repeat Marcus' distasteful words.

"So, what, you were defending my honor?" Lily asked, calming down a bit.

"Well, yeah," James replied, hoping it didn't sound as corny as it felt.

"I suppose that's sort of sweet," Lily admitted. "Barbaric and stupid," she added, glaring up at him again. Then she smiled. "But sweet."

"I know it was stupid," James said, pleased that the arguing phase of the discussion seemed to be over as she settled into his arms, leaning back against his chest. "I just sort of snapped, though. I literally saw red, Lil."

Lily sighed, shaking her head.

"I thought you'd gotten past the idea that it was okay to curse people just because they said something stupid or mean about some you care for," she said.

"I didn't curse him," James muttered.

"No," Lily replied with a slight laugh. "You just threw him across the Auror office. Dawlish was not pleased. All of his neatly stacked paperwork was spread all over the floor. I had to help him re-alphabetize it."

James chuckled, kissing her shoulder.

"Sorry about that," he muttered. "Anyway, I can't come in to work the rest of this week. After that I'm on probation for another month. And," he added, cringing with the thought, "if anything like this happens again, Moody wants me to see an anger management counselor."

Lily couldn't repress the laugh the spilled from her lips.

"It's not funny!" James groaned.

"No, it really is," Lily replied.

James sighed.

"Listen, as far as the money goes…." He let the sentence trail off. Money was often a touchy subject in their household.

Lily sighed, too.

"We'll manage, somehow," she replied.

"We can ask Mum for help if we need it," James added.

"I'll try to work some more overtime."

"No, I don't want you doing that," James relied. "You don't need to be wearing yourself too thin with the baby on the way." Lily sighed again.

"We'll see," she said. "Now, I'm exhausted, so I'm going to try to get some sleep. It was a long day."

"Sorry," James said. "Really, I am sorry. For everything." Lily nodded, kissing him lightly, then rolled over on her side. James waved his wand to shut the light back off, set his glasses back on the table, then draped his arm over her waist, pulling her close.

Lily woke only a couple of hours later. A thunderstorm was raging outside the window, and her parents' death was haunting her dreams again. Her thrashing and cries woke James, as well, and he roused her out of the nightmare, holding her afterwards as she cried.

When she had calmed down a bit, James conjured two mugs of cocoa.

"Thanks," Lily sniffled, taking the mug he offered. James smiled warmly.

"Of course." They sipped their cocoa in silence for several long minutes, then Lily spoke again.

"I don't want to die, James," she said softly. He looked at her sharply, brow furrowed, but remained silent, letting her speak. "I don't want us to die and leave our baby alone." There were tears glittering in her eyes again.

James took her mug and set it with his on the nightstand, gathering her into his arms. He couldn't think of any response to her words, so he just held her, letting her cry out her worries and fears on his shoulder again.

A/N: As promised, chapter ten is up before I leave tomorrow! You should all be very proud of me. This chapter was originally much darker, but I was in the mood to change it around a bit and give you a bit of argument/fluff.

Please review, whether you just say "Cute Story. I like it." or "Bad story. I hate it." I prefer the first option, but let me know what you think!

Love from

Lyny Angell


	11. Whirlwind

Ch 11: Whirlwind

The next six months seemed to pass in a whirlwind for Lily and James. They celebrated their first Christmas together in their tiny, happy home, they worked themselves ragged, and Lily's stomach seemed to grow larger by the day. She was perfectly happy and healthy, so she was still pulling light duty at the Ministry, much to James' chagrin.

"I have the day off, so stay home with me today," he urged, as she tried to struggle out of his arms one morning in early May.

"Love, I have to go to work," Lily giggled, kissing his temple. If she had been worried that James would find her unattractive in her pregnancy, she couldn't have been more wrong. In fact, he seemed to find the sight of her rounded stomach and extra curves even more attractive.

James frowned as she pulled away, almost pouting, and Lily laughed, leaning back over to kiss him.

"I'll be back in a couple of hours, love," she said. "I'm not leaving forever."

"Okay, okay," James relented, smiling. He kissed her cheek. "Love you, be careful."

"I'm always careful," Lily replied and James rolled his eyes as she walked out the door.

As soon as she was gone, James too got up out of bed. He looked out the window, checking to make sure that she had left before walking into the closet and pulling out his briefcase. He dressed quickly, mulling over his job.

He'd had some problems in the past few months with missing files, and occasionally those files seemed to correspond with missions that went awry. At first, when he'd brought this to his partner's attention, Remus had shrugged it off, assuming that it was James' general carelessness that had lost the files, but, as files and reports continued to disappear and several more Auror teams were ambushed, he agreed with James' theory: there was a spy in the Auror Department.

Neither of them knew who to trust or how exactly to rat out the mole, so they kept their information to themselves, not even telling Lily and Sirius of their suspicions. They couldn't work on the theory at the Ministry, so they spent their days off together, examining what little information they had and running through their list of suspects.

James took his briefcase downstairs to the sitting room, waiting for Remus to arrive. When his friend was nearly an hour late for their meeting, James knew that something had gone horribly wrong. He quickly grabbed his traveling cloak and lit a fire, using the floo to go to Remus' home. His friend was not there either, and, although there was no real sign of a struggle, James had the sense that something wasn't quite right. He apparated quickly to the Ministry.

What he found when he reached Auror headquarters was mass pandemonium. Marcus Olivers was standing on top of his desk shouting at the top of his voice. Remus was on the floor at his feet, bound and gagged, unconscious. People were running and shouting, wands were drawn, paperwork was flying everywhere.

Marcus' shouts could barely be heard over the chaos in the office, but odd words such as "abnormal" "animal" "beast" and "dangerous" caught James' ears and he knew instantly what had happened.

Remus had been ousted as a werewolf.

James simply stared around the room in panic. He had no idea what was going on. No one except himself, Moody, Emily, Dumbledore, Sirius, Peter, and Alice were supposed to know about Remus' condition. Lily didn't even know!

Suddenly, a loud bang erupted through the noise, startling everyone into silence.

Alastor Moody stood in the doorway to the office, wand drawn, his face nearly burning with anger.

He pointed his wand at Remus and the cords binding him disappeared.

"You don't understand!" Olivers shouted in fury, wand now trained on Moody. There was a scary, wild look in his eyes. "You don't know what he is!"

"I know perfectly well that Lupin is a werewolf, thank you," Moody replied, his voice deadly calm. "This department is in charge of keeping the peace. That means that we preach tolerance and acceptance."

The room was still and silent, everyone staring at either Olivers, still standing on the desk, Remus, still laying on the ground only half conscious, or Moody, wand drawn, fury etched into every line of his gnarled face.

"Does anyone else here have a problem with Lupin on the force?" Moody asked. No one moved. "Alright then. Clean up this office and get back to work. Olivers- my office. Now."

Everyone stared after him in silence for a moment as Moody swept into his office, Olivers following a moment later. Then, James and Sirius moved as one to their fallen friend, helping him to his feet. Remus swayed, but his friends steadied him.

"What happened?" James asked. "How did he find out?"

"He found out because he's not an idiot. He checked the lunar charts and put two and two together," Remus muttered, wincing and putting a hand to the back of his head. Olivers had hit him with something heavy and hard, and he was bleeding a little.

James took half a glance at Sirius before lowering his voice further and asking, "Do we need to talk in private?"

Remus nodded, which James took to mean that the day's events had something to do with the spy in the Auror office.

"I'll take you to Mungo's," Sirius offered, shooting a questioning glance at James, who shook his head, silently communicating that there would be time for explanation later.

"No," Remus said. "I don't need the hospital. I'll be fine." He tried to pull away from his friends' helping hands, but staggered and would have fallen had James and Sirius not been there to help him.

"You're going to the hospital, Moony. No arguments," James replied. Remus only sighed, confined to his fate because he knew that he didn't have the strength of body or spirit to fight back. Sirius set off to the Atrium, with Remus leaning heavily on him for support.

James hurried through the office to find Lily.

"You knew?" she asked, not entirely shocked but still shaken from the events.

"Yeah," James replied. "There's more to it than that, though. We need to talk." He ran a hand through his hair, his mind a mess. He had to tell her about the spy, he had to get the information about the spy from Remus, he had to tell her that he and Sirius were Animagi, and he had to _kill_ Marcus Olivers.

"I'll be home around six," Lily replied. "Can it wait until then?"

James nodded. He knew that Remus wasn't in a fit state to talk about what had happened yet, so that interview would have to wait until tomorrow, and Marcus was still in Moody's office, which had an Imperturbable charm on it. He had no choice but to go home and look over his files and try to make sense of what was going on for himself.

* * *

When Lily arrived home after work, talking was the very last thing on her mind. Her day had been hellish, what with having to clear up the office after Remus' unfortunate encounter, having to do Sirius' work in addition to her own, and being nearly seven months pregnant.

James greeted her at the door, his need to discuss the whole affair with her even more desperate after re-reading his notes.

"Please, can't it wait until after dinner?" Lily asked. "I'm exhausted and starving and it's been a horrid day." She did look tired, and James protective instincts over her overrode the instinct that this conversation couldn't wait any longer.

They ate supper quickly and in near silence, both lost in their own thoughts. It seemed that every time James started to talk to his wife about work or what had happened with Remus, she cut him off, moving to a different topic.

After dinner they ended up on the sofa in the living room, James laying back against he pillows, one leg draped over the side of the sofa, Lily leaning against him. He supposed that they both needed a bit of time to unwind after such a stressful day. He could wait another half hour or so before adding more stress to his wife's workload.

Lily twisted around to catch his lips with hers, and James let her deepen the kiss slowly, her tongue darting into his mouth for only a moment before she broke away. Lily turned around completely in his arms, straddling him, bracing herself with one arm, the other trailing through his hair. James cupped her cheek with one hand, the other on her lower back. The kiss was soft and lazy, but there was something behind, some desperation that James didn't recognize at first. Lily's tongue slipped into his mouth, kissing and tasting him with the familiarity that can only be found with a long-time lover.

James found himself losing his train of thought in the haze of desire that he fogged his mind, so he just kissed her back, gently stroking her back and bum.

Several moments later, when Lily finally broke the kiss, James regained his wits and realized the game she was playing. She didn't want to talk right now, so she was trying (rather successfully) to distract him. As she leaned in for another kiss, James gently placed both hands on his wife's shoulders, holding her at arms' length, staring into her eyes.

"We need to talk, love," he said softly.

"I don't want to talk," Lily replied, her voice suddenly harsh. "I don't want to even think about it. Remus was-is-". She broke off, and James saw the beginnings of tears forming in her eyes.

"You knew, didn't you?" he asked softly, wiping her eyes with his thumbs. Lily nodded.

"I suspected. But, James, it never changed the way I felt about him! I adore Remus; he's one of my closest friends. The way Olivers treated him… it was barbaric. And Olivers won't be the only one. The whole world's going crazy with prejudice, and I hate it!"

James hated to burden her further. They'd had this discussion many, many times over the last few months, discussions about how awful it was that the Wizarding World was in this war, how terrible the things they saw on the battlefield were, how much they hoped they would make it through alive and whole. Now, with the spy and his confession and her pregnancy… he only hoped he wouldn't be overwhelming her too much. But she needed to know. It was past time.

"There's more to it," James said softly.

"What do you mean?" Lily asked, her bright green eyes alert as she looked at him with a furrowed brow.

"I have something, well two somethings actually, to tell you. And you're really, really not going to like it."

Lily sat up, removing herself from his lap, arms folded, suddenly looking ready for a fight.

"What is it?" she asked, trepidation evident in her tone.

"I'm an Animagus."

Lily laughed.

"Of course you are, love," she said, reaching up to pat his cheek, thinking that this was his attempt at humor to cheer her.

"I'm serious, Lily. Sirius, Peter and I are Animagi. We have been since 5th year."

"James, you…. You can't be!" Lily replied, staring at him incredulously. "There's no way you managed to become Animagi in 5th year. That's extremely advanced magic. Besides, it's illegal to do without Ministry Supervision…." She trailed off as James rose from the sofa, walking across the room. A moment later she was staring at a gleaming white stag. "What on earth…?"

The stag walked across the room slowly, and Lily held out a hand to it, staring at him. He gently nuzzled the hand and licked at her fingers, his brown eyes gazing up into hers.

"Prongs?" Lily asked, dawning comprehension on her face as she stared at his antlers. A moment later her human husband was staring up at her.

"Yes," he said softly. "I'm sorry I never told you, Lily."

"So, Sirius and Peter…?"

"Sirius is a black dog, and Peter's a rat," James replied.

"Right," Lily replied, slumping back against the cushions of the sofa. "Does Dumbledore know?" she asked suddenly.

"No, no, he has no idea," James replied. "No one does, except the four of us… and you, obviously."

"I can't believe you would… can't see you could have done…. But Remus was a prefect in 5th year!" she burst out, anger and indignation finally breaking through the confused babble.

James couldn't help but chuckle at that. "Well, yeah, he was."

"This isn't funny, James!" Lily shouted suddenly furious. "This is serious!"

"I know it is!" James snapped back. "That's why I'm telling you, because it's very serious."

"I can't believe you hid this from me, from everyone! All three of you! It's so…so… immature!" Lily suddenly winced, her hand flying to her stomach, and James' frustration and anger were instantly forgotten.

"Easy," he said, his voice low and concerned. "Alice said for you to go easy and not get worked up in this last trimester because of the Crucio Renovo…"

"I know what Alice said," Lily growled back, making to push his concerned advances away.

"Alright, alright," James replied, backing off, hands up in surrender. They sat in silence for a few moments more.

"I need to process this," Lily said softly. "I-I can't think what to do, James. I'm just going to go to bed. We can talk about it tomorrow….," she trailed off as she stood, heading for the stairs.

"We're not done, here, Lily. There's something else that I need to tell you," James started to say, only to bet met by a furious Lily, who turned to face him, eyes blazing.

"Oh, we are more than done here for tonight, Potter! If you are going to go around doing stupid, immature things like this and hiding them from me, we are most definitely done! And you are sleeping on the couch tonight!" She started marching angrily up the stairs.

"Lily, wait, I need to tell you! There's a spy-!" he broke off as he heard the bedroom door slam. This hadn't gone nearly as well as he had hoped it would. Then again, he supposed he hadn't taken pregnancy hormones into account. He turned toward the couch and flicked his wand at the lights, turning them out. He might as well try to get a decent night's sleep on the lumpy old sofa, even if it was nearly a foot too short for him.

As he pulled one of their throw blankets over himself, he suddenly remembered that they had a spare room, equipped with a bed and everything. He groaned as he stood, thinking that if this war didn't kill him, marriage to Lily would definitely finish the job.


	12. Betrayed

Chapter 12

Betrayed

* * *

Lily Potter spent a sleepless night alone in her room. She regretted kicking James out, because she almost always had difficulty in sleeping without him, but she knew that she needed this time alone to process what he had told her. The fact that Remus was a werewolf was something that she could deal with. The fact that James, Sirius, and Peter were Animagi was also something that she could deal with. The fact that James had kept these two gigantic secrets from her was something that she could not deal with. At least, not right away.

Lily placed her hand over her stomach as her baby kicked. She knew perfectly well that, in time, she and James would make up and that she would get over her sense of betrayal. However, at that particular moment, she was far from over it.

With a sigh, she kicked back the covers of the bed. It was only six o'clock in the morning, and she wasn't scheduled to go in to work until noon, but she figured it was best to go ahead and get up, since she wasn't getting any sleep.

When she reached the door to the bedroom, however, she nearly ran into James. He was pale and looked as though he had just gotten out of bed himself. Lily started to walk around him, deciding instantly that she didn't want to talk to him at that moment, but James grabbed her shoulders, forcing her to look at him.

"I know that we're having a problem right now, but I need you to put that out of your mind and listen to me. This is serious," he said forcefully, giving her a little shake to emphasize his words.

"What is it?" Lily asked, instantly weary.

"Remus and I have been tracking a spy in the Auror Department for a while now, and it looks like whoever he is has decided to make a move on Remus. He was supposed to check in with me three hours ago to discuss our suspicions, but he never showed up. I think he knew who the spy was, but he never got the chance to tell me. This means that whoever it is, he may be ready to launch an attack on the department. You and I are quite likely the only two people alive who know what's going on."

Lily's eyes were so wide that the whites were no longer visible.

"You think Remus is dead?" She asked in a hushed whisper.

"I hope not, but I think that's what we have to assume," James replied. "We need to get a message to Moody as soon as possible, but it has to be done in secret. He may be watched. We may be watched as well. I don't know how deep the conspiracy goes, and I don't know if they know how much I know."

"We have to go in to the Ministry, then," Lily said.

James nodded.

"Be ready in five minutes," he said, stepping into their bedroom.

* * *

Everything seemed perfectly in order when Lily and James arrived at the Ministry. It wasn't until they entered Auror Headquarters that they realized that something was truly and terribly wrong. The place was complete and utter chaos, people running in every direction, apparating in and out, shuffling papers, shouting orders to subordinates.

Lily and James entered the fray and quickly located Sirius.

"What's happened?" Lily asked her partner.

"We have no idea!" Sirius exclaimed. "But Aurors and Magical Law Enforcement are being attacked all over Britain. Somehow, they know where we are, and we're dropping like flies. We're trying to get everyone back here to base so that we can figure out what's going on and get everyone on lockdown. Then, we're going to evacuate to a safe house. I don't know where, yet, but-"

James cut him off

"It's a trap!" he exclaimed, looking from Sirius to Lily. "They're trying to get us all in one place so that they can slaughter us. Listen, Sirius, there's a spy. Remus and I have been working on this for months. Remus was supposed to be in contact with me hours ago, but I haven't heard from him. I think the spy is ready to make his move."

"We have to tell Moody," Lily said, rushing toward the older wizard's office.

"He's not here!" Sirius shouted. "No one can find him! We think he may be one of the ones who's been attacked. Olivers is acting as temporary Head of Department, since he's got the most seniority of the people we can find. He's trying to figure out a location for the safe house, now."

Suddenly, dawning comprehension hit James.

"It's him," he said. "Olivers is the spy!" Lily and Sirius both looked at him incredulously.

"I know he's not exactly the kindest person here, but, James, we can't blow all of this on a guess!" Lily exclaimed.

"It's not a guess, Lil. I know it's him. Trust me!" Their eyes locked for a moment.

James had kept huge secrets from her. Trust was not something that she could easily give him, now.

"We can't operate on a guess," she said firmly. "I'm going to try to find Remus and Moody. Maybe they can help us figure out what's going on." She turned on the spot and apparated.

"Lily, damn it!" James shouted after her. He turned to look at Sirius, who looked confused. "I know it's Olivers," James said seriously. "Are you with me?"

"Of course," Sirius said quickly. "What's you plan?"

* * *

A/N: Okay, so I've been a very bad author.... My wrist has officially been slapped. I know that it's been.... an extremely long time since I updated this story, but I do stand by what I have said before: I will not abandon this fic. I have a plot worked out, and I will stick with this until the end, becuase I love this fic, and I love writing. I'm so sorry that it's taken so long. I know that that is not easily forgiveable, but I ask forgiveness anyway. I mean, it was my first year of University, which I suppose isn't a great excuse for not having time to write, but, well, that's the honest truth.

Please review! Even if you just say "Cute Story, I like it!" or "Crappy story, i hate it." (I prefer option A in this scenario) Please, just drop me a quick line to let me know you've been here, you've read it.

Sorry, too, that this is so short, but I really did want to get something up, because, well, I haven't had something up in a very long time.

OH, and this chapter is dedicated to MoonStarDuchess! Your incredible work in the FMA fandom has really inspired me to write again, so thank you!

Love from,

Lyny Angell


	13. Once

Chapter 13

Once

* * *

Lily apparated two blocks from Remus' flat, her wand drawn, held under her cloak. She knew that there was only a slight chance that he was alive, but she had to check. If he was, they needed him to fight with them today, they needed the information that he had. If he wasn't…. Lily tried not to let her mind travel down that road.

She figured it was probably a good sign that the Dark Mark was not hovering over the roof of Remus' flat when she arrived. She kept her wand out, though, unlocking the front door with a small wave of the wand and a whispered spell.

She tried to act casual as she passed by Remus' muggle neighbors, who seemed to have no inclination that anything was wrong in their building. Maybe, Lily hoped, Remus had simply overslept and forgotten his meeting with James. Maybe they were panicking for nothing. Even as these thoughts crossed her mind, Lily knew that they were not true.

She reached Remus' apartment and opened the door with another spell. Quiet as a mouse, she crept inside, wand at the ready, prepared for an attack with every step that she took. The apartment didn't look as though it had been ransacked. Perhaps Remus had been taken in his sleep. Lily shuddered as that thought crossed her mind.

Lily didn't hear the muffled footsteps behind her. She didn't see the man's crazed eyes as he crept up on her. She didn't even have time to scream before he brought a large ceramic plate down on her head, knocking her unconscious.

* * *

Sirius hated not having a plan. He hated running around in the dark, no idea what was going on, no idea what was going to happen.

He and James were trying to work to find out the location of Olivers' safe house. James was certain that the slaughter would take place there.

The entire Magical Law force would be gathered in one place, certain that they were safe, their guards down. Olivers would place Anit-Apparition jinxes around the building, under the rouse of security so that no one could apparate in. The problem would be that no one would be able to disapparate. Once everyone was gathered, Olivers, who would, of course, be the Secret Keeper for the Safe House, would give the secret to Voldemort. Then, they would be sitting ducks for the slaughter.

James knew that their only chance of success was to expose Olivers as a spy before anyone could apparate to the safe house. How, however, were they to accuse the Acting Head of the Auror Department of being a Death Eater? The entire department knew that James and Sirius were close to Remus, and everyone also knew that Remus and Olivers had had unfriendly contact. Most of the department had also witnessed the recent and very public brawl between James and Olivers in the office. Therefore, their credibility against him was shot. There was no way that people would listen to them.

James sighed, frustrated as he ran his hand though his hair.

"I don't know what to do," he admitted to Sirius.

"Maybe we should to Dumbledore," Sirius suggested in an undertone. "At least he would believe us, and he could get the Order involved."

"Yeah," James agreed. "That's probably a good idea. I don't think we have a chance at this without him. You go, and I'll stay here and see if I can find out anything about the safe house. I'll try to spread the word about Olivers if I can, but I don't want him to know that I'm onto him, so I'll have to do it quietly. If he figures out that we know….."

Sirius nodded, understanding.

"It would mean warfare right here in the Ministry," he said quietly. "Alright, I'll go to Dumbledore and see what I can do."

James nodded and gave his friend a brief hug before Sirius hurried away. James tried to shake the feeling that he would never see his friend again.

James quickly began to circulate among the other Aurors, doing his best to keep his head down, lest Olivers notice what he was up to. Most people were too distracted to listen to a word that James was saying as they hurried around the office, trying to locate missing colleagues and making plans to bring family with them to the safe house.

James overheard a frantic Fabian Prewitt in the fire, trying to convince his sister, Molly, to bring her husband and children to the safe house.

"Gideon's missing, Molly, and they might come after you, next! Just bring the kids and Arthur. Please!"

"Fabian!" James said quickly, tapping his shoulder.

"I have to go, Moll. Floo me back if you decide to take me up on this," said Fabian. He pulled his head out of the fire and turned to face James. "Yeah, what did you need, Potter?"

"Listen, " James said, his voice low. "You don't want your sister coming. I think it might be a trap. I think that there's a spy here in the department. Don't react, just listen," he added, as Fabian took a step back to stare incredulously at him. "I need to try and spread the word around the office without arousing suspicion from the spy. Are you with me?"

"Who do you think it is?" Fabian asked, his voice in a similarly low and serious tone. He and James, as part of the Information Sector, were used to jobs with secrets.

James lowered his voice to a barely audible whisper.

"Olivers."

The panic in Fabian's face spoke volumes.

"But," he said. "He's acting Head of Department! He's-!"

"Shut up!" James growled, grabbing him by the scruff of his robes. "If you can't keep this quiet, Prewitt-"

"Keep it quiet! How are you planning to keep that quiet?" Fabian asked, apparently unable to speak softly due to his current state of panic.

James felt a presence behind him, and dropped Prewitt, coming face to face with Olivers himself.

"What's the problem, Potter?" The older man barked.

"Nothing, sir," James said quickly. "Prewitt here is worried about his family. Just trying to keep-"

James broke off as he saw the sudden gleam of understanding in Olivers' eyes. Olivers knew that James knew. Before James had completely realized that fact, Olivers had lifted his hand, plunging it inside his robes, pressing his finger against the tattoo on his upper left arm.

"No!" James shouted, diving for him.

But, it was too late. Oliver had touched his Dark Mark, summoning Voldemort and his Death Eaters to the Ministry of Magic.

* * *

The battle was complete and total chaos. The rest of the Ministry had no idea what was going on, and the Death Eaters had sealed the Auror offices as they arrived. So many people packed into such a small area, all trying to kill each other made for one of the worst battles James had ever witnessed.

He knew, instinctively, that Sirius and the reinforcements would never arrive. He, James, had to find a way to get help. He was still the only one who knew the whole story.

Suddenly, an idea hit him. It was possible that Olivers had neglected to tell the other Death Eaters about the Portkey to the Auror Training Field, which would mean that it would still be active. If he could get there, then he could apparate for help and bring reinforcements to the ministry. Even thought he field had enchantments on it to keep people from apparating in, there was nothing that kept them from disapparating to another location.

James hastily cast a shield charm over himself and ran. He had to get to the Portkey, which was in Moody's office. He reached the door and wrenched it open. He glanced quickly over his shoulder and saw Olivers advancing on him. Olivers realized where he was going, what he was doing.

James dove for the Portkey just as he felt a hand grab his ankle. He looked around and saw, to his absolute horror, not Olivers, but the blood red eyes of Lord Voldemort himself.

"You thought I would let you escape and go for help, Potter?" he laughed maliciously as they landed.

"What about the rest of the battle?" James asked. "You're just going to leave them there, fighting the Aurors? They'll all be killed. What kind of a leader are you?"

"One who realizes that my pawns are disposable," Voldemort snapped.

James' eyes scanned the ground for the Portkey that had transported them, but it had returned to the Auror Office. It would not come back to the field for an hour unless someone else from the office used it to get to the training field.

"Ah," said Voldemort, as they circled one another, wands drawn. "You seek an escape, do you? You know that you cannot apparate now without being killed. Perhaps now you see what a foolish move it was to come here. _Crucio_!"

James fell to the ground, the pain overwhelming him. When the curse had lifted, he and Voldemort were no longer alone on the field.

Remus stood to Voldemort's left, holding Lily in his arms. She looked to be unconscious.

James stared at his friend in horror as a sudden realization came over him.

Remus Lupin was under the Imperius Curse. Lily had come looking for him, and he'd attacked her then come here, to Voldemort's side.

"Remus, snap out of it!" James shouted, knowing that it was useless, knowing that his friend could not fight the curse.

Voldemort laughed his high, cruel laugh.

"Yes, your friend Mr. Lupin has been very useful to Lord Voldemort," he said, his voice a soft hiss.

James was still on the ground, breathing heavily, wondering how on earth they were possibly going to get themselves out of this mess. Voldemort laughed again, and raised his wand, this time pointing it at Remus.

"He's a pawn, just like the rest of them! _Crucio! Crucio_!" Remus dropped Lily as he, too, sank to the ground in agony. Lily fell to his left a few feet away. James half hoped that Remus would be shaken free of the Imperius Cruse by Voldemort's spell, but he had no such luck. However, when his gaze moved to Lily, he saw that she was stirring feebly. Hoping that Voldemort was occupied enough with torturing Remus that he would not notice, James started to crawl toward his wife.

"Wake up! Can you stand? Lily, we have to fight, now!" he said urgently, slapping her cheeks lightly.

"Ok," she said, her voice shaky and groggy. They helped each other to stand quickly, wands drawn. (Apparently, whoever held Remus under the Imperius Curse had not instructed him to take her wand.) Together, they stood to face Voldemort, who had stopped torturing their friend long enough to notice that they were standing.

"So, you still have some fight left in you? You chose to stand and fight instead of dying on the ground like cowards? Brave of you, very brave. But it will not save you from death!"

They stood together, facing him, facing evil.

"Lily," James muttered, "I love you. I'm sorry, and I love you." He had to say it, just in case, in case they didn't make it out of this alive. And James was fairly certain that they wouldn't make it out of this alive.

Later, Lily wouldn't be able to recall exactly what went on during the rest of the battle, but she knew that she and James managed to evade Lord Voldemort's spells much longer than they should have. Luck was certainly on their side.

In fact, the battle seemed to be going well, until James somehow managed to trip, and he stumbled, his wand nearly flying out of his hand.

At this, several things happened at once.

The Portkey to the field returned, bringing Alastor Moody, accompanied by the remainder of the Order of the Phoenix and most of the Auror Department. Where Moody's left eye had once been, there was now a gaping, bloody hole.

At this same moment, Voldemort shot a Cruciatus Curse at Lily, and she blacked out from the pain almost instantly.

James knew that being hit with Cruciatus was extremely bad for Lily, but he refused to let himself think about it until the battle was over, until they were safe.

"Dumbledore's on his way, Riddle," Moody growled at Voldemort. "Your Death Eaters have all fled. I'd do the same if I were you, because you've lost this one."

With a scream of fury, Voldemort disapparated.

Moody collapsed almost instantly.

James ran to Lily, praying that she was alive.

Sirius went to Remus, wondering how he had gotten there.

Alice quickly joined James at Lily's side.

"What happened?" she asked urgently, as James gathered his unconscious wife in his arms.

"She was hit with the Cruciatus Curse, Alice. I don't know what to do," James said, his voice unsteady.

But Alice couldn't reply, as a dark stain of blood was slowly beginning to soak Lily's lower body.

"Pick her up and get her to St. Mungo's now!" Alice cried. James did as he was told, picking her up and apparating to St. Mungo's without another word.

* * *

James heard news from the rest of the battle as he sat in the waiting room. 4 Aurors were dead, as well as 27 members of Magical Law Enforcement. Even more were injured. Among the injured were Moody, Remus, Lily, Gideon Prewitt, and Dedalus Diggle.

James still couldn't believe that he had survived. He hadn't been allowed to speak with Lily or Remus yet, but Sirius sat beside him in the waiting room. They didn't speak much after Sirius had recounted the rest of the battle inside the Auror Office and James had told of his own experience. They sat in anxious, uncomfortable silence for hours.

* * *

When Lily awoke, she was in unimaginable pain. It felt as though every single one of her muscles was on fire, and she had no idea how to stop it. She wasn't even too clear on exactly what had happened. In fact, as she looked at the white walls of the room around her, she wasn't entirely sure that she was alive.

However, Alice was hovering over her in moments, handing her a potion to drink, wand out, examining every inch of Lily's body.

"I'm so glad that you're alive, Lily," Alice said, as she examined her best friend. "I really thought for a moment, well…. I mean, fighting Voldemort himself and surviving, that's just unbelievable."

Lily tried to speak, but found her voice raw.

"Am- am I going to live, though?" she asked, her voice thin and weak.

"Yes!" Alice replied emphatically. "You're going to be here for a while, but you're definitely going to live."

"What about Remus? What about everyone else?" Lily demanded.

"Remus will be fine. The Imperius Curse lifted because Olivers was killed in the battle, and he's the one who placed the curse. Remus has a few minor injuries, so we're keeping him overnight, just in case. Moody last an eye, and Gideon Prewitt's still unconscious, but we think he'll live. We're not sure what he was hit with yet. They found him outside his home in an alleyway. Sirius, James, and Frank are all okay."

"Good," Lily said softly.

"I'm going to bring James in, now," Alice said, her voice growing soft. "But, there's something I need to tell you, first. James already knows…." she trailed off.

"What's wrong?" Lily asked, sensing the change in her friend's tone.

"It's… It's the baby, Lily. I'm- I'm so sorry, but she… she didn't make it."

Lily couldn't respond. She couldn't breathe, couldn't think, couldn't process what she had just been told.

"I'm going to go and get James," Alice said, quickly leaving the room.

James' face was tearstained when he entered the room. He walked to his wife's bed, and saw her laying there, staring at the ceiling, tears beginning to pool in her eyes.

"Lily," he said softly, reaching out for her, "I'm so glad that you're a-alive."

"Elizabeth," Lily said softly, the name of her baby. "I was going to call her Elizabeth." The tears began to roll down her cheek, slowly at first, and then rapidly, until she was sobbing fully, her hest heaving.

James choked up as well.

"I'm sorry, Lily. So- so sorry," he said, reaching the bed and kneeling to pull her close.

Lily pushed him away, roughly pounding on his chest.

"No!" She cried. "No, my baby. Not my baby, no….. No…."

James tried to embrace her again, tried to offer comfort, but she pulled away from him, sobbing harder.

"It's going… It's going to be okay," James said bracingly, watching Lily's grief, unable to help her.

Lily tore at her own hair with her fists as she sobbed, rocking back and forth in her bed. James could only watch helplessly as she cried and cried. He cried himself, sinking to the floor.

"My baby," Lily repeated again and again. "Not my baby. Not my little girl."

* * *

A/N: See, I told you it wouldn't take so long to update this time! Don't expect me to update this quickly all the time, now, but I figured y'all deserved a treat since you had to wait so long! Anyways, thanks for reading, and please Review!

I don't care if you just say: "Cute story, I like it." or "Bad story, I hate it." (I do prefer the first option, though. Haha.) Just let me know that you've been here and read it, please.

This chapter dedicated to: My awesome parents, because they are taking me to Mexico this week. Wahoo!

Love from

Lyny Angell


	14. Grief

Chapter 14

Grief

* * *

The Funeral was held the day Lily was released from the hospital. Emily Potter made the arrangements for her granddaughter's burial.

The day was cold and stormy, much colder than it should have been for May. Lily stood next to her husband as she watched the tiny white casket disappear behind the Earth. She had hardly spoken since hearing of her baby's death. Alice told her that she had been lucky to survive, because the baby had taken the force of the Cruciatus Curse for her. If she hadn't been pregnant, it was very likely that Lily would have died from the attack.

Lily secretly wished that she could lie down and sleep next to her child.

James' grief was not silent. His eyes were red from days of almost constant tears, and he had to force himself to maintain control as he stood between Lily and Sirius.

When the casket reached the bottom of the deep grave, Lily and James stepped forward together, dropping a bouquet of white roses and baby's breath on top of the small wooden box.

James was worried about his wife, and he didn't understand why she wouldn't talk to him. He had expected them to share their grief with one another, to work through this and face it as they had every other obstacle that had ever stood before them. Instead, she shut down, she shut him out. He wasn't sure if it was because of their quarrel before the battle had broken out or if she was simply too distraught. He prayed it was the former, because he wasn't sure if he could handle the kind of grief Lily seemed to be exuding.

As they all began to file out of the graveyard, heading to Potter Manor for the wake, James tried to take his wife's hand, to show some small portion of support. She wouldn't meet his eye as she pulled away from him and quickened her pace.

"Just give her time," said a soft voice behind him. James turned to see Remus with a sad smile.

"I know. I'm trying," James answered, his voice shaking.

Remus had been horrified by his actions when he awoke at St. Mungo's. Although Lily and James had both assured him that they did not blame him for what had happened, he couldn't help but carry a decent amount of the weight on his shoulders. He felt he should have fought harder against the Imperius Curse, that he should have realized sooner that Olivers was the spy, but he had been too distraught that his secret had been betrayed to give the spy the attention he deserved.

Remus sighed.

"I wanted to say again how… sorry I am. For everything," he said softly, not meeting James' eyes.

"You know it wasn't your fault," James replied, also staring at the ground.

"Still, I- I feel responsible, somehow-"

"Cut it out," James snapped, suddenly looking up. "I've told you not to blame yourself. You were cursed, you couldn't control your actions, and that's the end of it. Stop making this whole bloody fair about yourself."

He turned on his heel and stomped away, leaving a shell-shocked Remus behind.

"He doesn't mean it," Sirius said softly, coming over to stand by Remus' side. He knew James better than anyone, understand better the grief that James was feeling. "He truly doesn't blame you for the child's death, but he doesn't know what else to do. There's no other channel for his anger, and you're being a willing vessel, so he's taking it out on you. Stop being angry with yourself, and he'll stop being angry with you."

Remus sighed.

"I suppose you're right."

They both watched as James walked to his mother and took her arm, leading her from the cemetery.

* * *

Alice was worried as she watched Lily from across the room. All through the wake, she watched as Lily nodded and shook people's hands, accepting condolences. Lily was pale, so pale that she looked sickly. She didn't meet people's eyes when she spoke to them. Alice suspected that she wasn't wearing a speck of makeup and had barely eaten in days, which worried her. After watching from afar for about an hour, she brought Lily a small plate of food.

"You look dead on your feet. You need to eat something," she said softly. Lily nodded numbly and accepted the plate that was offered. Alice walked back to her seat next to Frank and watched as Lily set the plate down, untouched, moments later.

Across the room, James sat in an armchair, facing the fire, surrounded by his three best friends. Some would have thought James a poor husband for leaving his wife alone to greet the mourners who came to offer their sympathies, but those who knew him best knew that he didn't want to be there any more than Lily wanted him there. James preferred to suffer his grief in silence, leaning on his family and close friends. He thought that funerals should be a private affair, held for the benefit of the family, not something public that anyone who wished could attend.

The Marauders also knew that James and Lily had barely spoken three words to each other since Lily had left the hospital. Every time James tried to comfort his wife, to share his grief with her, she shut down, she left the room, leaving James alone to grieve for their child in solitude.

In truth, James wasn't the slightest bit surprised when Lily slumped into a dead faint two hours into the solemn gathering. He simply stood from his chair by the fire, picked her up from the floor and carried her upstairs. He laid her down in his childhood bedroom, then cast a spell to awaken her.

Lily was disoriented when she came to, and for a moment she had no idea where she was or why.

"Are you alright?" James asked softly.

"I have a headache," she replied.

"You probably hit it when you fell. Let me see," James responded, helping her sit up slightly and examining the back of her head. "It's just a little bump. You're alright."

"I don't want to go back down there," Lily said softly after a few moments of silence.

"Me either," James replied. "I'll run down and tell Mum that we're leaving. Be right back."

This short conversation was entirely too characteristic of their behavior towards each other over the next month. James remained cautious and concerned but distant, trying to give her time, while Lily stayed cold, never revealing her feelings, never allowing her husband to share her unbearable grief.

* * *

A/N: Okay, I'm going to admit that this chapter and the next might be a bit few and far between. I really kind of hate writing Angst, but there's nothing else to do with this plotline, so Angst it must be. Anyways, hope it's a good one.

Please leave a review; usual standards apply. Just let me know you're here!

Love from

Lyny Angell


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